my life and a paint brush

Turning Multiple Pages At A Time

2009-03-12T01:37:00.001-04:00

Yes, the title says it all! That is exactly how my schedule has been for the past several weeks. I have been quite busy at work with travel (New Orleans in January and Rhode Island in February) as well as catching up with my daily/monthly regular stuff. I guess at some point I will get fully caught up; I don’t like keeping my hopes up though, however, but all I can do is go to work, do what I have to do, and do same thing the next day.

That’s the norm at my job for a while now but I feel like sometimes to vent out and get some of things on my mind out of me. It makes me feel lighter.

I came back a couple of weeks ago from Providence, RI for a business trip and I loved that trip. I was there for four days and I did what I can to enjoy my stay there. I met up with my abstract management people whom I’ve been working with for the last a year and a half. It was nice to have met them in person. Quite interesting group of people: different personalities and yet quite professional. There were many of us who represented many major associations in the metropolitan DC area and some were from other states. I proudly represented my client professionally throughout the conference. I’ve learned so much about what the company is all about and what they do, what they can do, and what not. Knowing and learning what the others do and how they manage their programs was quite helpful for me and they seemed happy to share it and I did the same.On the flip side many reporting capabilities that others have was because of what I have established for my client. Many said they’ve modeled their reports from mine as they are purposefully made for specific needs. And I said “Great! Glad I set my client as a good example!”. It is always good to get positive points!

Overall the meeting experience was truly exceptional. I look forward to working more with them and make improvements to our system as we go along.

As part of my tradition, I checked many parts of Providence in a short amount of time. Won’t go into details now but some I was able to do but some I wish I could have done. There were many things definitely that I would have loved to have done but unfortunately I couldn’t afford to lose anymore days off from work. I knew I was coming back to lots of catching up and I was afraid staying longer might make things a bit more complicated. In any case, I had a great time in Providence. I certainly will try and go back and spend more time up there!

So this month I will plan on visiting a good ex co-worker of mine in Pennsylvania. We have not seen each other for quite some time now and I definitely miss her as well as family. Her husband just got accepted in the Navy and will be leaving sometime in May for training. I plan to visit them before he leaves. It’ll be fun!

I will catch up with you on the flip side… see ya!

Half-Full? or Half-Empty?

2009-01-29T18:23:00.001-05:00

Well, well, well. 2009 is finally here. God, what has happened so far? So many things that has happened that I don’t even know where to start. Definitely this month went by too fast that I barely felt January was even here.

My January started off with many parties during the first week, then second week was to catch up with work after close to a two-week holiday vacation (totally awesome!!!), then a business trip to New Orleans, LA a couple of weeks ago. I had a fabulous time in New Orleans and that includes meeting Jenene, my ex co-worker who lives in downtown N.O., and getting a sense of what Bourbon St. is like and other great places. She showed me downtown, the French Quarter, Casino, the Super Dome, St. Charles St. where famous and multi-million houses are, drove around following the trolley-tracks, the famous Bourbon St., and a drive-thru Daquiri (don’t ask me!). We had a great time that evening!

In addition to that, my clients and I went to different restaurants for dinner - Red Fish and Palace Cafe. Both of which are well known of their excellent, 5-star dining experience. If you like seafood, this is THE place to be! I had some of their signature dishes and having an authentic cajun food was truly awesome. One other place was Cafe De Mond which is legendry in New Orleans with their beneighs and hot chocolate. If you visit N.O., you most definitely have to visit this place. You’ll be amazed what they have there. No beneighs and of course Jazz music while down there is not a New Orleans visit! So I’ve heard.

Well, as a tradition, I went to “The Oz” which apparently the most popular gay bar/dance club in downtown New Orleans. The joint was pretty interesting in that although it isn’t as big as DC clubs, the clientel was diversed and just plainly hot. What happens in New Orleans stays there, too! LOL. I had a great time that evening but not so much the next day. After having close to ten SOB wasn’t so cool if you need to get up at 6 am for a morning meeting. It sucks. It does. Bad. In anyway, I had a fabulous time!

Now after my meeting it was time to catch up. As it turns out I have absolutely no time to breath from this program as I am due to organize yet another program like right about NOW! I know, tell me about it. I worked my ass off for 10 months for that program and it was over in 3 days. And now, I have to put together another one. What excites me though this time is that the program will be in San Francisco, CA! Woot!!!! So excited! OK, let me be honest, I can’t wait to see Miguel there again. I really can’t wait. Mmmm… anyway… that’s that.

So it turns out I have yet another two-day business meeting in Rhode Island in 3 weeks. I will be meeting with the company that I use for our abstract management. We’ll be discussing how we establish our online system to accept abstracts for our next program which is the one I was just talking about. It will be fun to meet with the people that I communicate via email and phone in person. It’s always nice to put a face to a name. Anyway, I touched base with my guy and we both are highly anticipating each other to discuss business matters. My guy, Scott, is very nice and responsive. I can’t wait to see him in Rhode Island in less than 3 weeks.

After my trip there, my Mom and I might be going to San Francisco for her birthday which will be in March. It may not be the whole week but I want to take her there for the weekend. That would be her birthday gift from me. As I have mentioned it before I’d do anything for me. Anything that makes her happy and also makes me happy.

OK so lots of travel plans so far during my 2009. New Orleans, then Rhode Island, then San Francisco, then probably Blue Ridge Mountains for camping in April for my birthday. We shall see. Point of all of this is that 2009 will offer me lots of great opportunities to travel anywhere and anytime. That’s my goal this year - LOTS OF TRAVEL! So if you have any suggestions, drop me a note and I would much appreciate it.

Love Cool Peeps!

2008-12-16T01:54:00.002-05:00

So this past weekend was really awesome, and in fact it was one of the weekends that I wasn’t actually home the entire weekend. It was fun actually to be able to get out and do a lot of stuff and not worry about a thing. I mean I still think about stuff–but I guess not so much when you’re having enough fun. LOL.

My weekend started off with me and my future sister-in-law (I hope!) at Ned Divines, an Irish Pub, in Sterling. I told her that I’ve been so stressed at work because of the very few days I still have before my holiday vacation (12 days off!!!) and of course with my upcoming business travels in New Orleans, LA in approximately 4 weeks. I felt like I needed a drink or two to top it all off so I wanted to go and unwind for a while. It turned out she wanted to go so it was nice for her to have come with me and then my brother joined us later after work.

As usual, a few folks wanted to make connections with me–but I felt awkward since it was a straight bar. I just didn’t expect coming across with “one of ours” in there…you know what I mean. Anyway, some guy who I think was very attractive (and toned! OMG!) was making himself appealing but I didn’t have the gut to say anything but What’s up! Normally d-Jae doesn’t make the first move. Not sure why but that’s the way it is. Perhaps in the future I’ll change my approach. At any rate, the night ended up being awesome! Definitely going back there to catch up DJ Ecstasy with some good ‘ole music this Saturday after my job’s holiday party!

Saturday was moving day…well actually it was for my brother and his two friends. I have been suffering from stiff neck during the past week or so ever since I came back from New York. Long story but all I know is that it still hurts! Anyway, they moved furnitures all day and then after that we had good eats at Risa’s house, then we met two of their friends to go downtown to see the Christmas Tree (see below for pictures). It was really fun! Too bad we didn’t get to take lots of pictures. 10 minutes after getting there they turned the lights off on us as well as the White House. I was like Damnit! Oh, well! We had fun, though, throughout the night after all.

So Sunday we checked out the Dulles Expo in Dulles, VA with their computer/etc. liquidation sale (or whatever). Got a few things reasonably priced. It was really cool. As always I check people out (Ha!). Wanted to make connection with this dude but he wasn’t from the area…so that sucked! But, whatever! After that we went grocery shopping, had good eats (again! and I think I gained two pounds while I was over there for the weekend), then I went down to Woodbridge to see my Mom and Rob because I miss them. Spent 2 hours there then came home and did my laundry. LOL.

Busy weekend, huh?! Yes, it was and I’m still recovering from it. I had fun, we had fun, nevertheless. This weekend, though, is yet another fun and busy weekend. I have three Christmas parties that I have to attend to and one is clubbing. Not sure If I will have the energy to go clubbing but we shall see….

Anyway, hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! As always, have fun and be safe! Here are some of my recent photos. Enjoy!!!

Stirrings

2008-12-09T23:52:00.003-05:00

Well, let’s see…I haven’t written anything for a while due to a number of life commitments and so it feels like I’m brand new to this all over again. It feels kind of extraordinarily funny for me not to have connected with my blogging mode to update everyone about what has been going on with my life. And, what’s interesting about it is that there had been so many things that have happened over the course of the last few weeks that I simply don’t even know where to start…

Let me start by saying I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with their family and friends. Mine was really awesome: my family and I celebrated Thanksgiving Day dinner Filipino style and spent time doing what we enjoy the best, BOWLING! Yes, on Thanksgiving Day! Ain’t that crazy? Actually it was crazy and it wasn’t at the same time. In either case, we all had fun and it was kind of nice to see my Mom very happy–to see her sons with her that day. I love my Mom dearly and I’d do anything for her. Absolutely anything.

Now moving on… Workwise, it’s been crazy for the past two months - but this time though was especially hectic as both my boss and I are now coming down to only a few weeks away from our business trip to New Orleans, LA next month. The push had been this 160-page program book that I’ve been working on and fortunately we were able to send it to press for printing procedures, and I mean 1400 copies! I mean it’s nuts!!! I hope I got everything in that book as accurate as anyone could ever imagine. Well, if there were any mistakes, Oh, well! Not the end of the world! (But I would be pissed off, though, however!). So now I’m just tyin’ up some odds and ends for the conference as well as catching up with my regular projects that I have been putting off for quite some time now. They all seem to funnel down at me lately and my goal is to better handle them as I get myself slowly caught up. I’m getting there day by day but it’s a slow process. Oh, well… it’ll get better…

Despite of all that, I have been religiously going to the gym during most of weeknights and work out. In fact, I have been noticing a dramatic drop with my waist size and actual weight. Because I’ve been doing a significant amount of overall cardio and free weights, my weight thing seem to stay on the same weight neighborhood where I was before. I mean I’ve lost some weight ever since I started working out - but I appear to be “stuck” on 160 lbs. It “roller coaster” slightly from time to time but I guess the muscle weigh it more at the end and I’m sure I’ll be heavier if I keep it up. The beauty of it all is to have the interest in keeping it and maintaining it from “top to bottom”. I’ve already made this 2-hour every day deal a major part of my routine, not only that it gives me something to do but keep my body and health in as best shape as possible or as far as what my body can tolerate. Better toned body I guess is more to love…

As part of my hobbies as well, I went with several friends of mine, including my Mom, to New York City to watch a broadway show called “Grease” in which Ace Young and several amazing actors and actresses played. The show was incredibly entertaining as well as the whole idea of being there with your love ones enjoying something that could turn out to be an awesome hobby. I plan to see other broadway shows here in the DC area such as Rent or Lion King. I heard Rent is coming to town so I will plan to go see that.

In our trip, we went to see Ground Zero which is now just a big giant hole on the ground. Incredible sites was there to see and it continue to remind me how devastating 9/11 was for the whole country. Glad to see the American spirit to come and witness where it all happened and pay respect to those who have died that day. It’s sad. Very sad.

On the brighter side, we went to Times Square, then to the Christmas tree at 30 Rock, then Mama Sbarro’s. It was just awesome. Just awesome! I wouldn’t mind going up there again soon. Like soon. LOL. Oh, and if you want to check out my pictures from my trip (Grease, Times Square, 30 Rock, etc.), go to MySpace or Facebook. I hope you’ll enjoy them!

Now I’ve got things lined up between now and the rest of the year: holiday vacation from Dec 24 - January 4, go see Rent, go see a Washington Capitals hockey game before the year ends, spend some time with family and friends during the holidays, and a business trip to New Orleans, LA, January 13-18, 2009. That’s the schedule for now but it’ll fill up as we head towards Christmas and New Year’s (might to go Times Square!).

Oops! Almost forgot…on the Lovelife department… it’s zero!

Enjoy your holidays! I’ll touch base with you again hopefully before 2008 ends. If not, well have a wonderful Christmas and energetic New Year! Ciao!

Fun at Neds Divine

2008-11-25T01:08:00.003-05:00

Here are some photos taken at Neds Divine in Sterling during Risa's Birthday Bash! That place was really awesome!

(Me, Cecil, and Brian)

(Cecil, Patrick, and Patrick's GF)

(Cecil, Me, and Risa, my bro's GF)

(Me and Brian, Cecil's BF)

(Cecil and Debbie)

We might be hitting Neds this weekend for more fun. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure it's gonna be fun!

Leave It All Behind

2008-11-18T01:39:00.003-05:00

It's been more than two weeks since the last time I got to hang out with Rich, and quite frankly I feel like I am yet again at a point of deserting what he and I started long after two months of knowing him since we met at Freddies on a regular Sunday evening. I know I'm wanting more from him--but I feel I'm getting less than what I anticipated to receive.

Close to a month ago was when he and I had a rather blunt, intense conversation about where we were in our relationship and the big question was where should this rather aggressive acquaintance be. At the time he felt that things were just going too fast than he expected and that he felt it was best that he take a "slow" pill while seeing what develops. He was upfront about it, for which I give him credit, and explained that he had just accepted a promotion within his company, which essentially require him to travel 80% of the time uncontrollably for the next three months. I understood what the situation was and expressed that I would try and take things slow and see where it leads us.

Sure enough he's been traveling back and forth from one state to the other almost every week and there is definitely no stopping and I sure cannot blame him for doing his job! The last time I spoke to him though, however, was yesterday when he finished packing and was about to leave for Lancaster, PA for a five-day training - but he said he will be back on Friday night and will be home for the weekend. He plan to do low-key stuff and try and recuperate from his long week.

But, before all those traveling - being out of town days at at time - took place, he warned me about it, with which he said might make things complex, in terms of getting together, etc. Despite the fact I said I would understand it, I appear to be wanting more to be with him, if possible, everyday...

I stop and ask myself everyday - is this when it's time to let go?

I knew that he'd tied with traveling but I have never expected it to be this overwhelming travel. Quite frankly it's driving me nuts. Why? Because I don't get to see him that much, I sit here and wait until he gets home and hoping he'd be around to see me. I mean really... doesn't that sound pathetic? Yes, it does.

Time and time again I have told myself do I have the godsend patience to deal with this? I want to see him so bad but it's almost impossible because he is never around anymore. But, when he is, he's tied up with something else. Does that send me a message? If you're reading this, do you get the message? Did anyone else get the message, or is it just me? To be honest, his actions are just as clear the sunny blue sky. The message I get is that he's too busy and that he couldn't make time for me anymore. That I can't seem to believe...or is it just me over-reacting? Not sure what to do really, quite frankly. Should I extend my patience for one more week and see what happens? He said that he'd call me mid this week and see how I'm doing. I know I'm pathetic and I admit it - but all I want to do is see him and be with him.

My gut tells me I'm over it! Quit it and end it once and for all. If he wants you, regardless how busy his schedule is, he'd make the time to pick up the phone and make a 5-minute phone call. Don't care if you're brushing your teeth but dial my number and talk to me - a total girl attitude! I understood the whole traveling thing but this is not about his schedule anymore. That point of understanding has already passed. This is now a matter of the interest of wanting to see me again because he wants to and not because he has to because he is being nice.

I know for sure the fine line between genuineness and pity, and if he is hanging out with me for pitysake, well guess what, I can't take it--run with it and stay away! I'm too good for that. I think I'm not gonna try and make plans with him simply because I hate to make the move and be rejected. If he wants to do something, I'd go but he won't see me make the try. I think I'm pretty much done with him, in terms of trying to make connection and staying connected.

All I can say at this point is everything is on his court. I won't try anymore... I'm happy with what I've got: family, friends, work, lifestyle, hobbies, etc. I certainly don't need someone trudging me along for nothing or while trying to figure things out. As said in the movie Soldier's Girl: "Don't use me to figure yourself out!". I'm still young and can find someone who might be in the same position as I am. Obviously Rich and I aren't on the same wavelength and it is emotionally painful to be in that roller-coaster path. I've been there before and I certainly know when to stop.

I've learned to tolerate things over the years and look at them in different perspectives optimistically. However, I'm also smart what to look for, what to watch out for, and what worth keeping to give you the extra umph! in the morning for. Quite frankly, this one isn't worth it! I hope I'm wrong. I'd rather be wrong than right.

Sorry...just venting. I will say this I can't wait to be in San Francisco! Right there might be an opportunity to live a new life. Not sure yet whether I'm ready to leave it all behind...but time can only tell. I shall see what happens next. Anyway, I have a quite a few things I have planned during this week and all the way through this weekend. Enough to keep me occupied. Any suggestions of fun things to do, drop me a line. OK? Thanks!

Fork Or Chop Sticks

2008-11-11T00:26:00.000-05:00

So this past Friday my two good 'ole friends Jeannie, her beautiful girlfriend Marisol, and I went to Tokyo Japanese Steak House up in Old Town Alexandria, which is conveniently located close to my old job near the water and has a fabulous, flawless view of the Potomac River. We have not been able to hang out lately simply because of our busy lives. We had been wanting to get out and have dinner together - but fortunately we were able to re-connect his past Friday. Jabari was suppose to come but didn't make it. He will catch up some other time. Nevertheless, it was a lot of fun!

We had the opportunity to catch up on things: stuff about work, living situation (they might be moving to Centreville soon, which would be really awesome!), and of course, love life. I didn't have much to share in the love life "department" other than me telling them about me and Rich dating now for over a month. Not too much detail went into that but all I said was that I'm dating this guy and see where it leads us.

They, on the other hand, are very happy with one another. They seem to share different things that they have in common and endlessly explore each other differences. They balance their relationship so much that they not only are girlfriends, but best friends as well. Quite frankly I'm jealous; not because I don't want them to be happy - but I just wish I could find that special person for me as well. It'd be nice but I'm still looking and open to anything. Perhaps in time that person will eventually appear and make connection.

I give them the full credit of being with one another and keeping their real friends close. They are both very outgoing people and they couldn't careless what and how you might be. They believe, and so do I, in real friends that no matter what happens, you stick together. As we always say, friendships aren't perfect either. You meet people, get to know them, and have a good time. We all believe in that. As long as you are aware of your boundaries and respect, I'm sure you get it back.

Anyway, I had an awesome time with them. In two weeks, we're planning to do another dinner. I'm thinking about going to Texas de Brazil (a steakhouse) in Fair Oaks. This place is awesome and I'd love to take them over there and check the place out. I'm sure they will love it.

For the rest of the weekend, I went to Fuego after Friday's dinner, met a few friends there, and drinking and more drinking. Then tonight I went to Freddies to catch up on my drag shows. Ashley Jozet Adams asked me to go check her out tonight so I did, with my friend Gino. Had fun as usual!

Now I'm tired. LOL. I'm ready for bed. This week is going to be crazy for me (yet again!). So have a great work week everyone!

Halloween 2008 Photos

2008-11-06T01:25:00.003-05:00

Here are a few pictures we took at Fur Night Club in downtown on 11/1 during their 2008 Halloween Party.

(L to R: d-Jae, Brian, Cecil, Sarah, Risa, and Bro Gilmor)

(Front L to R: Patrick and d-Jae; Back L to R: Risa, Lucky, Cecil, Bro Gilmor, and Sarah)

(L to R: d-Jae, Brian, Cecil, Sarah, Risa, and Bro Gilmor)

(L to R: Bro Gilmor, d-Jae, and Sarah) That's what you call TRASHED!

Hilarious pictures! There's more to come!

Let Me Dance With You

2008-11-03T18:00:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was one of the fun weekends that I haven’t had in a long time. I wasn’t really expecting it to be that much fun considering all of the events that recently took place at my job: losing someone dear, overwhelming workload, not feeling well, etc. Last week was quite a handful; I initially planned to do something low key throughout the weekend - but it turned out to be one of the best weekends ever!

Saturday morning I went to LifeSpa to get my hair done; got it cut, layered, etc. Looked hawt! Then I went to visit my Mom in Arlington where she works and kind of talked to her for a little bit. Since it was early in the afternoon and I haven’t had lunch yet, I drove to one of my good ‘ole favorite little pizza joint up near Old Town Alexandria and ordered something to eat. Ended up having leftovers so I went back to Mom and dropped off some lunch. She loves Calzone and so do I. She appreciated it - she thought it was really sweet.

You know every once in a while I do that kind of stuff. I like to feed people. I guess it’s one of Filipino traditions; we try and give comfort to anyone, any time at any given place or whatever. I find it very attractive when someone does have that character.

Anyway, I enjoyed lunch alone (which was nice for a change), then I went shopping at Pentagon City. Man, I haven’t shopped in a long time! Recently I’ve been shopping online at 1 or 2 in the morning with all kinds of stuff (I know I have a problem) and I prefer receiving them in the mail as oppose to walking into the store. I find it very convenient, but I have to practice patience. (It’d be nice to get the stuff you bought through the computer, eh?) Knowing d-Jae he sometimes doesn’t have the patience. Anyway, it takes a few days for stuff to arrive, which is not a big deal. I went to Sephora bought some Giorgio Armani cologne and a vest at Club Monaco. I loooove those stores! Certainly my brand. Shopped a little for outfit for clubbing at Fur (I’ll get into that in a sec). Looked hawt! Really hawt! Kind of low-key and yet daring!

Then Mom met me and my brother at Tyson’s Corner for dinner. We went to Neisha (a Thai Restaurant) which is one of our favorite places that we go to as a family other than your regular Coastal Flatts or PF Chang’s. The joint is very relaxing and the food and service is just great. If you haven’t been there, you should check it out. Definitely a place I’d recommend for a date. *wink*

In the spirit of Halloween I went with my brother Gilmore and Risa (his GF), along with 5 other people, to Fur for their Halloween Party. Man, that night was really awesome! Everyone dressed up with their own thing and I reluctantly did not dress up just because I felt my hair was too good for it (LMAO!). One of my friends was gonna show up not dressed up so I thought I wouldn’t so he wouldn’t feel left out. In any way, getting in was as usual crazy; it took us an hour to get i…for $25! Yes, I said $25! Ridiculous! Oh, well but definitely worth it.

So we got in, danced with my Gil and Risa crazy as usual, drank quite a few martinis but managed to still get out of there sober, made some connections, danced with a few stangers (guys). LMAO! Yea, I know. Guys dancing at a straight club/bar? Surprisingly didn’t get stroke by lightning! I guess some of the straight guys weren’t really straight and weren’t making the dance floor hawt enough so I went in there and danced distinctively. I said like come on guys, move those damn feet and shake ‘em asses! Don’t dance like you’re retarded. LMAO! Anyway, the climax of the night was winning $5000 for the best custome. Well, the naked woman impersonating Mystique (from X-Men) won the price. Hawt! (but not my type) but fun though! I give her the credit not giving a shit what people think. I think she should have won more than that - but I think 5 grand should be enough to get the paint off of her.

So that was Saturday! Good times! Good times with my brother for the first time at a club. I’ll try to get him to check out TOWN one of these days. I don’t think he is thrilled about it, but we shall see. We’ll be going back to Fur on either 11/15 or 11/22 to celebrate Risa’s birthday bash. I vote Fur than TOWN (I think!). It’s nice to check out places that you haven’t been in for a change.

Sunday, it was yet another fun and low-key day. I spent the whole day with Rich shopping around at Pentagon City (again!) and chilling out at his condo. We had dinner at his place with a glass of red wine or two. As usual very soothing and comfortable. He always makes sure I was okay (cute!) the whole time. He is traveling (again!) to North Carolina this week but will be back this Friday, and then I think he is off to camping with his friends up in Blue Ridge mountains. We will re-connect once he gets back. I promise that I’d cook him something Italian/Greek (Pasta Carbonara?), serve it with champagne, and desert for later. It’s gonna be good. Looking forward to it!

Here is the thing…Rich and I at this point enjoy each other’s company. Not sure if there will be more than that in the future, but time can only tell whether we want to move up to a different level or not. I want to but I can’t force him if he’s not willing to. For right now I’m going with the flow and see where it leads us. I think that whatever we talked about previously (about his new job and lots of traveling) kind of trudging us along pretty well, and I think him getting the job and traveling so much kind of scare him that I would not date him because of it. I think, it seems it is working just fine so… We shall see how this moves from here on out.

Anyhow that’s the weekend update! This week is yet another busy week for me as I need to produce a 160-page book for our conference. I managed to get 80% of the front and back matter done last week and I’m now working with a designer to lay it out for me so I can review and approve to print. Fun times! I’ll touch base again with you next week! Have a great work week!

We'll Miss You Jerry!

2008-10-31T17:31:00.004-04:00

Our colleague and a dear friend, Jerry, our Chief Financial Officer, peacefully passed away last night after his long battle with cancer, in the presence of his wife Sharon, his children, and a close family friend. He was 74.

Today everyone in the office spent the whole day with one another monumenting the many happy memories that everyone have experienced with Jerry. All of us were touched by Jerry’s gentleness and his amazing personality regardless whether inside or outside of the office. He was extremely very accomodating person and extended himself to everyone, anyone in every way possible. It was extremely devastating for everyone — especially to his family — to have lost a very genuine person, who loves to live life to the fullest and to put a smile to every face that he comes across with. He left us nothing but good and happy memories that we will all cherish for the rest of our lives.

To his beloved wife, Sharon, just know that we are here for you at any time. We are such a unique group of people that someone’s pain is everyone else’s. You are in our prayers. We love you!

To our blessed friend Jerry, from STAT Marketing, Inc. family, it’s sad to see you gone but we know you are in a better place - in God’s faith. We will miss you and you will be in our hearts for as long as we are alive. You will exists in our memories now and forever. We love you, Jerry!

Energizer for Human Perhaps?

2008-10-27T00:32:00.001-04:00

After a rather long, dreary, nasty and yet very fun weekend, I think I need a fully loaded, energized battery to get my brain and body up and running by tomorrow. Can’t help but drift every now and then because of not having been fully caught up with sleep recently.

Well, this past weekend didn’t help at all, in terms of sleep. Although I planned to kind of relax at home knowing that the weather was going to be bad before hand, I still managed to get out and have a drink or two with friends…

Started off Friday with clubbing at Club TOWN with my friend Gino, his boyfriend Jesse, and a friend of theirs, Molly. At first they ewanted to hit APEX instead of TOWN but I insisted that we go to TOWN instead. My reasoning perhaps was lame but I said that I had enough of APEX’s perks that lasts me a lifetime. That place has given me good and bad memories back in my early 20’s, and going there makes it harder for me when I re-connect myself mentally all the events that took place in that club back when I was still with my ex. Kind of sad but I won’t get into it. I must say, however, that being in early 20’s at the time was the greatest and funnest place that every single gay men in the DC area must “belong” or go.

Nowadays, that place has changed a whole lot over the course of the past few years. Hmm? The question perhaps though have the place changed? Or have I? The prognosis is that both have changed. People change their outlook with different places and places changes what people see as benefits from it.

Anyway, I just haven’t refreshed my interests in going to that bar, but I do hope though my friends and I will go back in time and remember those wild crazy times we once had at that place. We are still wild and crazy bitches though, and we will at some point in the future repeat history…

Moving along…so we hit TOWN and have a great time (but won’t go into details) and I got home at around 3:30 am, which is pretty early for me than usual. Kind of different in a way…your heart’s still pumping at that time of the morning and brain is aiming for another round of shots. So that was the deal for Friday! Saturday as you all know, it was nasty but perfect time to chill at home and watch a movie or two. Well, I did a few errands in the morning (IN THE RAIN!) then after that I hanged out with Rich at his condo. We originally planned to see “Max Payne” in Potomac Mills but he wasn’t feeling good. Or should I say hung over? Yea, he had a great time with his friends at Freddies the night before and had too much shots that his head felt it was gonna explode on him.

That took away the mess that he and I would have had to deal with, had we gone and did what we planned. Well, we decided to just chill out, watch a movie or two, eat popcorn and pizza, etc. We did all that and it was soothing. We watched Ironman (i’ve seen it but I’ve been dying to see it again) and after that we watch “Bangkok Love”, which is an independant international film showcasing two Thai men who dicreetly had passion for the same sex despite of the social seasoning they grow up in. We enjoyed the movies and kind of relaxed, lounged on the couch and so forth. I loved it!

Again, it was a good ole staying home and watch a movie kind of setting. I think that we were both aware of the situation that we are in and that we must control ourselves unless we both want to move forward. In any case, it was a wonderful evening! We both can’t wait for next weekend to come.

Today I hanged out with my brother and his girlfriend Risa. Did the whole Filipino lunch thing (It was kind of nice actually) then we watched a movie at Risa’s house. It was great and I can’t wait to take my brother and Risa at TOWN for Risa’s birthday on Nov 17th. It’s gonna be great!

So, two words for this past weekend: FUCKING AWESOME! Yea! Woot! Woot! I’ll keep in touch what will come next within this week and weekend. Ciao!

Gluing Broken Pieces Together

2008-10-24T00:12:00.009-04:00

In the next few months I feel it will be about time to end my account with WordPress as well as my other blog site at Blogspot. I have truly found both sites highly propitious in a number of ways during the past several months because of the many major family issues and some personal dilemmas that I’ve had to go through. Needless to say all of us go through the different milestones of life - but how we differ is how we find different ways to output ourselves, developing shields to breakthrough it.

It is shamefully sad - but this online blogging community I’ve involved myself in has become my second home. More so at times when I feel disconnected with myself. Logging in and endlessly write helped me pick many broken pieces of my self-esteem while fishing for comfort and try gluing ‘em together.

Intentions often times doesn’t always work in your favor; although you blatantly tell yourself that whatever the outcomes might be, it may just be what is precisely necessary for you. No ones believes your intentions but yourself.

Well, since the first quarter of this year, all along I thought medicating myself through writing numerous blogs and exposing them to family, friends, and in many cases to total strangers, would quite hold me rock solid throughout the many beautiful “perks” life has to offer. Majority of the time I cling with this site when hard times come crashing into my life. Mental calamities are the ones I can’t handle. And, when they appear culminating internally I default to blogging boundlessly at midnight (often times 2 or 3 am) - which I must confess felt quite gratifying in so many levels. It did feel like I was connecting with someone out there. But, I later realized that someone out there was me.

Frankly it did, however, shed some light into my emotions whenever I felt I needed to sit in the dark and lit a candle with hopes someone come and empty me and fill me in at the same time. Our emotions and our minds are the most powerful things in the world - where our eyes sees what it chooses to sees, our ears hear what we want to hear, and what our minds tell us what to believe and not to believe.

I picture myself every night feeling and thinking how I could chime out my thoughts and feelings I choose to keep in a particular day and I find sending them out through this cyber-space quite therapuetic. God only knows who reads it, makes a sense of it and relate to it, and simply don’t give a turd about it. The essence of it, however, is that I say what I feel and think and for sure someone out there feels the same way. For those of you out there on the same page as me - you are not alone.

For those who have given some attention to my blog site from time to time or have faithfully been reading my writings, thank you. I hope that those times you spent reading and listening to my thoughts have given you some comfort when you need one. The prognosis is that I probably don’t know you - but perhaps by connecting with me through this gave you a sense of who I am.

I feel that I’ve out grown this channel of my way to gather myself together. It’s time to move on. I think I’m capable of facing myself now with some confidence, with which I desperately need after developing a personal war that I can never win! I’ve seen myself fall on one or more occasions where I feel I no longer crave for invisible connections. Right here, right now is when this has to end and where it begins.

By any means possible, this is NOT a goodbye note. I just feel I’m brushing off the old self and breathing in a new me in many ways. Thanks, WordPress, for being reliable (Ha!) every step of the way when I needed you the most.

Thanks to all my readers — friends and strangers! New chapters will come along soon.

Where I Make the Greens!

2008-10-22T23:29:00.005-04:00

This week has been overwhelmingly slow and yet extremely mentally exhausting. The week started off with slight cold because of the drastic drop of temperature (Ugh! I can’t wait for Summer!), the climax of the program development I’ve been working on, stuff between Rich and I, then lastly but certainly not the least, quite a few events in the office. Events? Yea, not so exciting events.

But, before I get into that, I wanna get these few things out of the way first…

Regarding work load, I’m still working on getting the final piece of the program that I’ve been developing all these time. I’m working with a vendor that specializes in abstract management systems. Right now I’m doing some session scheduling, notifying hundreds of professors around the country (they specialize in social work research) with their presentation schedules, working with another vendor that manages our hotel reservations and conference registrations, working closely with a designer to get our program book designed, laid-out, formatted, and printed (I’m responsible for EVERYTHING that goes in it!), and lastly, collaborating with the program committee to develop our new theme for our 2010 conference, which will be held in San Francisco, CA in January 2010. I’ll be working with the Associate Dean for Academic Research at the University of Pittsburgh. So, I’m looking forward to working with him in developing that program.

Rich and I spoke on Monday night for about 20 minutes telling each other our weekends and our schedule this week. He has a very hectic schedule this week and so do I so we might not have the time to catch up on one another. But, he said he will touch base with me again towards the end of this week and see where we are with our workloads. I hope my schedule opens up for me and Rich to do something. We shall see, but quite frankly I’d be happy to go out with him - but won’t be as excited as I was. For those who doesn’t know, read my other blog that’s called “Far Right Lane”. You will get an idea of what has been going on between me and him and you will understand why I said what I said.

Jerry, our Chief Financial Officer, was diagnosed with some kind of cancer a while back and he’s been taking medications and treatment for the last year or so. He seems to be not quite responding well enough to them recently. We are very worried for him. We just want him to get better very, very soon. We miss him a lot in the office and we are there holding strong for him. (A little bit of background of Jerry: He is such a nice guy. Despite of his professionalism, he is a fun person to be around; a reliable person; very smart guy (he’s the CFO, so yea!). He doesn’t bother anybody in anyway. You do your job and he does his job. That’s the deal. He certainly makes our workplace very pleasant place to work in.)

Another not so good event is that one of my co-workers, who actually just got hired two weeks ago, her mom died yesterday from a cardiac arrest. Apparently she had history of heart attacks and unfortunately did not survive this time. We are very sad to hear it. It just unbelievable that you don’t know when your own time is. Really scary! But, be prepared for anything, everything that could happen. It makes you think, doesn’t it?

To bring the spirit back up in this blog, I made my hotel and flight reservations for my New Orleans trip in two months. I’m quite excited to go down there because I will get to see two of my friends who lives in Louisiana. We haven’t planned anything yet of what to do but we are very eager to catch up face to face. Yay!

Oh, and I’m going to New York to see “Grease” on Saturday, December 6th with quite a few friends. This is going to be great. But, I’m kind of sad that I won’t be able to go to Chicago tomorrow. There’s too many things going on right now at work and I cannot afford to lose a day or two of work as the next two weeks are the highest peak of my schedule during this time of the year. It’s too bad but I suppose I can make plans to go with them some other time.

Anyway, closing this blog now. I hope everyone’s week has gone pretty good so far. Oh, and I haven’t gone to the gym for close to a week now — thanks to my cold crap that I have. However, I can’t wait to go back as soon as I’m feeling better. I’m gaining a bit of weight; that’s why! LOL… OK… I’m out!

Taking Baby Steps

2008-10-21T00:26:00.002-04:00

This coming Thursday would be the second week that I have not seen Rich since our last meeting, which was at his place for pizza dinner and some coctails. That night was awesome! He got off early that day to go shopping for ingredients (I think that was really cute!) and I said to him I was very disappointed I didn’t get to go grocery shopping with him. Anyway, he also bought two kinds of wine: Simi and Chaetaue St. Jean — both very good! We enjoyed each other that night with some good pizza and cocktails. Very relaxing, indeed!

Well, after our deep conversation last Thursday, which was a week after the pizza dinner, we didn’t talk at any time Friday, or Saturday, or Sunday. Pretty much the whole weekend - until I got a phone call from him on Sunday at around 2:00 pm. Unfortunately, I was at the store grocery shopping for goodies for last night’s dinner. I had people over so I had to shop for stuff…and wack the weeds! Yea, tell me about it. I’ve been meaning to get that part of my chores done like almost a month ago - but I motivated myself to do that before my friends came over.

So I called him back and left him a voice message telling him I was busy and didn’t get the chance to call him until around 6:30 last night. I was apologetic about it. He said he would call me over the weekend, which he did. I give him that credit!

Anyway, he called me today to see how I’m doing and see what I’m up to. He went up to Pennsylvania for a business meeting early this morning but he came back like around 6:30. After 30 minutes or so he called to say what’s up and to tell me how his day and weekend was. He was busy doing his own thing and I was, too. Then he sort of told me his schedule this week, which is kind of busy of his traveling. I told him “Hey, what can you do? Do the job if that is what it is.” I bluntly said to him I will have a busy week as well. In fact, I’m coming up to a whole lot of stuff right now during this time of the year: the tail-end of the programmatic development I’ve been workin on, then quite a number of marketing and advertising stuff for my other clients.

In any case we sort of talked for about 15-20 minutes letting each other know our schedules this week, then he said he’d touch base again with me towards the end of this week. Well, I told him right away I will have a busy weekend: going to a museum art in Manassas with my roommate; go to some local fair that involves lots of pumpkins and apple-cider; go golfing at a driving range right at my backyard (I recently discovered there’s a golf driving range few lights away from me…so yay!); have dinner with my friend Jeannie and her girlfriend Marisol (both Peruvians) and Jabari at a restaurant (we haven’t decided where we’re going); and hang out with Gino probably at TOWN.

And on Sunday I’ll visit my Mom since I haven’t really visited her recently. I miss her and so with my stepdad, so I will try and pay them a visit at some point this weekend. I will try and get my brother and his girlfriend to come, too, since I haven’t seen them either. Well, my brother having two jobs is kind of difficult to get together. In any case I’ll bug him to go with me to Woodbridge.

So I said all that to say this: I’m very appreciative that Rich took the time/chance to call me tonight. Quite frankly, yes, I’m tickled. But again, don’t bet everything you got. I’m kind of holding back and let him come and meet me in the middle. And I think that’s the game he and I are playing…let’s see who is going to win or give in. That is almost predictable (If I’m the one judging it) but we shall see what will happen.

Taking baby steps…maybe…but ideally that is what it should be. So I’ll do that for now while living casually.

Here’s my horoscope for this week. Again, this is just hypothetical but it does look promising. We’ll see.

Contacts and communication feature throughout the week, but the angle is definitely positive. Something is likely to keep you on your toes: a snippet of news or a tantalizing bit of information should be pursued and explored further. It is an excellent week to think in the long term and now is a great time to share your thoughts and plans with a trusted friend. They may well have some useful advice for you! Thursday’s planets hint at a secret admirer!

Far Right Lane

2008-10-17T18:03:00.002-04:00

During this past week I have been kind of sitting on edge with things between me and Rich. We haven't really talked like normal since last Thursday and our communication was sort of faded during the last few days. Though I must say that we had been very hectic with our own schedules and finding the time to catch up with one another was very difficult.

Well, finally we were able to squeeze in a 45-minute phone call to say what's going on and see where we are with our work so far and how things are going with me and him last night--after a few days of not talking gave me the excitement to talk to him.

It turned out the week for him has been very busy with his job and everything going on at the same time. Busier than he anticipated. That's what happens when you work in sales and marketing. There's always something to do. Anyway, he got a promotion within the company that he works for and he seems to be very excited about it and looking forward to the many travels that he will be doing as a nature of the job he accepted. I said Congratulations and that I will take him out for a celebratory drink. So that's pretty much what has been keeping him occupied.

Well, mine was sort of busy and intense. Intense? Yes, it is because the fact that we haven't had the opportunity to catch up. That sort of bothered me a little bit. But, last night I explained that my week has been just as crazy as his, given that my boss wasn't in the office for the majority of this week. I further explained that it kind of sucked that there was no time for "us".

I am somewhat discombobulated with the fact that he felt uncomfortable with how things are going on between us. He felt that it was going faster than he anticipated. So he decided to take it slow and see where it leads us. Knowing me I said "That is perfectly fine by me." He's reasoning was that he just took this job and it will require him to travel a lot within the next two or three months and hanging out with me would be extremely challenging for him. Well, guess what my ass said to him:

Thanks for telling me how you feel about things and given your situation in your life and things between the two of us, it may be best that we re-arrange our priorities. You just accepted a job and whatever the nature of it is, you gotta do it; even though it means more traveling on your part. It is a job and it is your job--not mine. I would probably do the same thing if I was in your shoes. If your job is a priority, then prioritize it, and if you think traveling would be a burden for us to get together, then you will have to make a choice.

That is the beauty of dating is that if you meet someone, regardless of how much job you have in life, you will have to make time for that person. And again, job is a job. If you find it hard to find time to get together with me when/if you do your job, then I have to move on. The only time this could work is either you make the time or I deal with it. Unfortunately, I'm the type of person that likes to be around with somebody I enjoy especially when I'm dating someone. I, however, understand that there is a time to stop...or slow down.

At this point in my life I want to have a relationship, build a future, and raise a family. I want to be quite frank with you - but if you are not the person who can share the same interest at this point of your life, then I think it would be best that we stay as friends. Now, as friends, you know we still go out and do stuff together. But, do them with the intention that we are just friends and not as potential boyfriends. I hate to say this but the ball is in your court. I told you where I am in my life and what I want from you, and depending upon how you react to this we will move forward. But for now, we'll just gonna play everything by ear and at the same time be not exclusive. If you meet someone else along the way, that's great for you, and of course vice versa. If something happens beyond us being friends, then that would be wonderful. It's all good, otherwise.

I don't think he was well prepared for this discussion but he stood still and listened to me and then said:

By all means I'm not saying Goodbye or anything. I just like to take it slow and see where it leads. I don't think I'm ready for a one-on-one relationship yet at this time especially now that I have taken this job, which will require lots of traveling for the next two or three months. I don't want to lead you to anything that it's not there because I would feel very bad about it. However, I still want to do stuff with you--go see a movie, invite you for dinner, go here and there, etc. But I want to take it slow. Can we plan something this weekend? I'll call you.

I'm sitting there thinking what my reply would be so I said:

You are more than welcome to take your time getting to know me and see where your emotions takes you. Meanwhile, I have a life to live, a job to do, and goals to achieve. And again, if we get together and it goes beyond friends, then that's cool. If not, that's cool, too. You may call me this weekend and let me know. But, don't go out with me for pity sake. I'm fine with the way things are right now. I feel better that you told me how you feel with things and now at least I know where I stand. Definitely not going to hold this against you. I cannot drive your life to compensate what I want in life, if you are not willing to do it. I can only control myself, not others. Only you can control yourself. If I have time this weekend, I will go out with you. Otherwise, it'll be next time.

So that we have a closure to this discussion, how about I say that I'm glad to have met you and did those things together. They were certainly fun! If you are willing, we can stay connected via phone and face-to-face as seldom as possible. Again, I'm sorry that I came off too strong for you. Stronger than what you can handle. That's just me! I'm special. OK?

Don't stress about this tonight. You have a long day ahead of you so you could use a good night sleep. OK? I'll catch up with you later.

That's pretty much how the conversation went. Kind of intense, but I remained composed the whole time. No sign of disappointment, nor aggravation, nor coldheartedness. As far as I was concerned, I was clear with what I want from him and I told him how I feel. I'm known for speaking my thoughts freely and not hold back. I cannot stand having to hide my feelings and not tell anyone. I'm honest with myself and so with others. I'd rather tell you what and how I feel then fight myself over for not being honest.

Not sure how it's going to go on but I will keep making connections with folks (in fact I have back ups...LMAO!) and see it will take me. Dating, dating, dating...you gotta love it! Anyway, have a good weekend everyone!

Ciao!

Buckle Up!

2008-10-16T01:18:00.002-04:00

So it turns out I have quite a few travels (both pleasure and business) that I need to start planning on. During the last two weeks or so, I thought I would travel reasonably not too far away before the year ends. Since I haven’t had any chance to take vacations yet this year, I thought now would be a good opportunity.

The following are my travel plans I have for the next few months:

Next weekend - William and his boyfriend, Ernesto, wanted me to go with them to Chicago for the weekend. I’m not sure if I’m going as I have planned other stuff with some friends. The likelihood is that I won’t be able to go. God knows! Things may change. I suggested that re-schedule it early November so I can go. I shall see what their reaction is, and if they are willing to, I will then be off to Chicago! Woot!

Week of Thanksgiving - I plan to drive to New Jersey (just minutes outside of New York) to go shopping for Thanksgiving. I did do that few years ago and I’d like to do it again this year.

On December 6th - my friends and I are going to New York to see a broadway show called “Grease” which will be held in Brooks Atkinson Theatre at 2:00 pm. Special guests will include Ace Young and Taylor Hicks. Part of the itinerary will include seeing World Trade Center, Rockefeller Center, Time Square, downtown Manhattan, and Brooklyn. Will plan to leave VA early in the morning and come home late at night. This is going to be great!

On January 15th through 18th - I will be in New Orleans, LA for a business meeting for one of my clients. I am their Program Director (I’ve been working on this program for 7 months now so I better be! Yea, I am!) so I HAVE to be there. Everyone will be depending on me as I am expected to know the whole program from inside and out. Kind of scary, ain’t it? Nah, not really. Actually it’s fun! While I’m down there, I made plans with a friend of mine who live in Shreveport to come down to New Orleans and show me around. I really hope she’ll be able to make it - she sounded like she could. Otherwise, I’d be very sad - but I also have another friend who live in downtown New Orleans. I’ve already been in touch with her and is looking forward to seeing me down there (and vice versa). We shall see how that will go. It’ll be fun!

That’s my travel plans for now. I hope this list will populate itself so that I can keep my schedule booked for the rest of the year and for the most part of 2009.

Anyway, hope I’d share that. Hope everyone’s week has been going pretty well. Mine is somewhat mediocre - but whatever. It’ll get better.

Love Keeps Losing Me

2008-10-14T18:39:00.001-04:00

Falling for someone is the most beautiful thing
I have a hard time imagining the joy it brings
For I am lost in the world of passionate love
I can't feel nor see it, should I give up?

I was once loved and cared by you alone
You comforted me then, now and forever long
Your warmth, touch, and presence said it all
I find no one else that I can claim "my all"

Your love and passion carried me through far away
From my world of deep misery to your mighty way
Not scared at all to fall and break around you
Because I feel you are there to catch me blue

Your words in the morning light lift my spirit up
Your voice makes it all fine from the ground up
I just can't imagine without you by my side
My world will fall by my feet deep and wide

My heart of mine sees everything with greatness
Not sure how to reciprocate with much gentleness
With such fear in me drives my soul shamelessly
For you don't deserve misery after saving me

Too deep in my own world that love doesn't exists
Should have loved you and feel how love truly sees
I don't want to hurt you so run away and stay far
Love someone who have already won their own war

I'm battling myself for many and different reasons
I just wish I can get over it with learned lessons
So that I can move on with my life feeling happy
I want to feel love once again and be sturdy

I need you along my side watch me grow on my own
Brush me from time to time when I feel alone
Love is such a beautiful thing to waste
I'm willing to go anywhere beyond my ways

Sorry that I have hurt you in one way or another
Don't know how to go one step being a lover
I wanna share my my life with you so deeply
For I can't love anyone until I love me

[Re-Post] Show Me How

2008-10-14T12:36:00.000-04:00

Everytime I think about you I see myself fall
I couldn’t help - but wish I could end it all
One morning I will wake up seeing you there
To make me strong and feel like a flare

Too much to say don’t know where to begin
Seemed you’re the world I want to live in
So deep in love that it makes me blind
Didn’t care where love takes me around

Feels like I fell into my greatest weakness
Too painful to feel any ounce of bitterness
Your presence seems to make things well
Even when I’m in pieces you say “Be well”

Sometimes the day go by so fast but hard
Your Hellos and Goodbyes gives me reward
You cheering me up whenever I’m lonely
Takes me away and there comfort you give me

I see that your affection has become cold
Your eyes tell me you’re ready to fold
The one time passion is ready to fade away
Never come back but I wish it’s not too late

Now I can’t fly without you holding me
It hurts knowing you’re away from me
Wish you would come back and be with me
Share you my life now and eternity

Show me how to find myself somewhere
Fit myself some place not everywhere
Hope I’ll find someone like you near me
A true love that brings me to my knees

Please come back redeem I’m all yours
Let the wind blows and let love flows
Don’t tell me that I’m free to love again
I’ll fall in love again, but how. show me how.

What's In It For Me?

2008-10-14T00:57:00.001-04:00

Apparently this is what my luck was for today:

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Your work routine may be subject to some minor disruptions, thanks to the inharmonious aspects of the full moon. Getting started won't be too difficult, but little things and worries will seem to crop up out of nowhere. This is a good day to ignore that pesky inner voice!

This has nailed the snail right on the head yet again. My boss is out of town for a business meeting from today all the way through Thursday, which means I have to deal with extra work for the whole time she's away. Got an email message from her today explaining that I have to get as much work as possible to her project that she's been working on during the past several weeks.

It's not so bad, I suppose, but I get to finish the very important element of the whole project. I volunteered that I'd take over the project because I know exactly what to do - but at the time she declined because of the other programs I've been working on. (She just doesn't want me to be overwhelmed with stuff) And now, see what ended up happening. Oh, well! It sucks. That means I have to make some re-arrangements with my plans this week to accommodate hers. It does make you feel crappy when you are someone's deputy that you are expected to change your plans anywhere possible. Again, oh well. What can you do?

So that is where the whole work routine disruption come into play. On, and on top of that, I have these little worries that has been driving me nuts during the past few days and I choose not to talk about it here. They seemed to have came cropping up out of nowhere and I realized that I shouldn't let it drive me crazy. I'm just a human being that I get driven shamelessly by my own fears. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so I think I'm just gonna "let it roll off my shoulder and move on".

So the bright side of all of these is below. It sounds like it would be very promising - but again this is just a horoscope. We shall see how the week progress and that will justify it being true, somewhat true, or just a big blurb.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Foggy influences on Monday and Tuesday indicate a tendency towards wasted effort. Perhaps the most you can aim for on these two rather obstructive days is to keep your head above water. However, from Thursday onwards there should be a complete turnaround: a revelation; an offer of support and an unexpected gesture will come at the right time! Tuesday's full moon may home in on your work routine.

Have a great work week everyone! Hope yours will go well this week. Ciao!

I Love Connections!

2008-10-13T14:10:00.001-04:00

After having a couple cups of coffee, I still have hung over from last night drinking with friends at Freddies. But, let me not start with that… here’s the re-cap for this past weekend’s events…

Workwise my work week has been quite stressful, and again because of this whole program development that I have been working on, after a while it takes the toll on you. I’ve been working on this for the past 7 months and I’m getting to know the whole in and out of the process and because of that I’m expected to be responsible for knowing the system and to direct people how to manuever themselves in the system. Anyway, it was stressful but again my outlet to let all that out is the gym. You gotta love gym! I find gym quite useful at times like that.

My roommate went to Chicago for a business meeting last Monday and she came back yesterday. All week I’ve been working and getting off early to take the girls out. I don’t like leaving them at the house for not more than 9 hours. I love them so I sacrifice for them. I guess if you are a naturally pet-person you’d do those kinds of things. So since I was by myself, I watched several movies I’ve already seen and caught up with my favorite TV shows like CSI: Miami and Fringe. (Can’t wait to see CSI: Miami tonight!). Rich fortunately likes Miami too so he and I can relate how ridiculously cute Eric is. (Eh, what the heck! Ryan is cute, too!). Anyway, did most of that Friday night–movies after movies. It was fun actually!

Saturday I went to the gym and worked out a little bit then kind of chilled by driving around checking the various restaurants around where I live. I haven’t realized until then that there’s so many interesting places out here in Manassas. I like where I live. It’s close to everything. It has everything I need except a job.

Part of Saturday also was going to visit my friend William where he works and after that my friend and I went bowling in Woodbridge. I couldn’t believe I did 166 after haven’t gone bowling in about 10-11 months. Still did pretty good - but I noticed I still need to work on my consistency, and that is still a working progress. After that we went to the potomac mills and walked around and visited Silas. After a while I got tired from walking so I called it a day after like around 4:30ish. I went home did my laundry and cooked dinner. (Yea, I know. I’m surprised, too!).

Moving along… Sunday was really awesome. First I went to see my Mom in Arlington where she works. Every now and then, if not every Sunday, I pay my mom a surprise visit at her job. The majority of time, however, she is busy. But, all I wanted is to be able to see her and talk to her for a little bit. Anyway, she was very happy to see me (and vice versa) and we talked a little bit - but then she got busy and I had to leave. On the way home, so that I can get to pick up my roommate and her mom at Dulles airport, I saw Rich biking around Shirlington/Arlington area. Kind of funny to see him out on the road - but what amazes me the most is the fact that he makes time to be active and do what he enjoys. For me that’s what matters! He said at some point in the future we’ll pursue one of our plans before–to go biking in the city. Can’t wait for that to happen…

So I went to Dulles airport picked them up then we went to IHOP in Centreville for lunch. We had a good time there. We all came home very tired so we took a nap and woke up all energized. So I thought I’d go to the gym do some cardio and maybe go to Freddies for drinks and the drag show. So I got ready and headed to Freddies. I was there for about an hour watching the show, then my friend William and his boyfriend, Ernesto, and a friend of theirs, Luis, came and joined me. We had a good time. I felt so bad about being disconnected from Ernesto for a little while. I apologized for not having been able to connect with them - but he understood.

I thought to myself these guys are the ones I want to keep as friends. They have the interest in making a connection as friends, stay connected, and have a good time anywhere possible. I told them I’d better in staying in touch with people. Sometimes I have the tendency of detaching from folks for a while. I love these guys and I can’t let them go.

Anyway, I had a good time with them and was happy to have met one of their close friend. In fact, he already invited me for a Christmas party on December 20th. Thank, God! I should be off work by them all the way though January 2nd. (One of the perks in working for my company is that you get to be off from like December 18th through January 2nd PAID! Woot!). So I’m looking forward to that…

So the here’s the recap: Weekend was awesome. Did minimal stuff. Had a great time with friends and in meeting people and making connections. We will try and do something this coming weekend. Not sure what Rich and I will do during the week but we have yet to talk about it. I told him that my schedule this week with my boss being in Denver, CO from today through Thursday would be a challenge to find time. Anyway, we’ll figure something out…

Have a great work week everyone! I gotta go take the dogs out to the dog park today. It is such a lovely day to stay in. Heck no! Ciao!

Aiming for A+ Yet Again

2008-10-08T00:18:00.001-04:00

I think I might have already blogged about this - but in the coming months, I will plan to register for yet another class at NOVA this Winter. This is sort of an addition to what I already studied last Fall 2007 and Winter of this year. It turned out that the CAE certification exam requires 100 CAE hours for those who plan to take the examination in 2010. I’ve already completed 90 CAE hours and so I need to accumulate 10 more. This upcoming class will give me 45 CAE addional hours, which would put me over the required CAE hour requirement. I suppose it doesn’t hurt to have too many than not having enough…

Well, guess who will be taking that exam that time…me! I’m not quite happy with how the policy changed in just a matter of a year or so - but I knew, however, that I need to get all the requirements met before I can apply to sit for the exam. At the time I hated the fact that I have yet to register for another class and now I’m quite looking forward to it.

Now the challenge is to figure out which course I should take, a class that would keep my interest going as long as possible would be difficult to determine. I actually gave it some thoughts towards the end of my last class back in March which course that makes more sense. Two of things I had in mind was either Social and Public Policy or Financial Management for Non-Profits. These were the two best candidates as oppose to the other ones like hotel management, which I am not in the business for, or meeting planning, which I have already taken and passed. And not to mention, got an A+! I also thought about taking Publishing course but it’s not so relevant to what I do now. However, knowing some publishing principles is quite essential in the association management industry.

I really need to be thinking about this as soon as possible before registration closes. I’m glad that I’m thinking of this kind of stuff now rather than later. Actually I’m excited about going back to school. I’m looking forward to getting off early at work once a week to go to school and stuff, writing papers, etc. Not at the rushing point when a paper is due or the final paper - but the ability to write a thesis and go back and read what you wrote every now and then. Whenever you have a passion about something you like to see the end-product as numerous as you like. In my case, I like to write and read. Anyway, whatever it is I think I will enjoy going back to school again. I may be able to meet folks - different folks - this time around. And besides I need something to keep me occupied other than just doing the typical work and gym stuff.

Well, I’ve got someone whom I can do “other” stuff with now. (I hope it goes on and on…) He seems to be nice and always enthusiastic to see me (and vice versa!). Rich is his name. He’s in North Carolina right now, but he and I are looking forward to hanging out this Saturday at his condo. We briefly talked about cooking dinner together on Saturday night. That should be fun! I’m really looking forward to it.

Anyway, that’s the news for now. Time for another round at school and always on the hunt for stuff to keep myself occupied. Any suggestions? Let me know.

Ciao!

It Takes 2 To Tango

2008-10-06T00:56:00.001-04:00

One word I could ever describe this weekend would be effing SWEET! Quite frankly I don’t know where to start really, but I’ll try to recap what went on as best as possible…

After Rich and I met on Tuesday at Sakura in Fairfax for dinner, we sort of immediately discussed what we woudl do in our second date. Well, first we thought biking in downtown DC would be a good idea, somewhat active and kind of extra-ordinary. That idea went soaking in our thoughts with excitement until Rich got little under the weather on Thursday all the way through Friday. So I was worried that we were not going to be able to go biking, but Friday fortunately he felt better. We gave what we initially planned another thought - but I suggest not to pursue it given that he wasn’t feeling all that well during that past two days.

That didn’t happen fortunately, as I suggested, however, we thought we would do something more low key and yet out of ordinary…

Friday night we talked and decided to go to Bethesda, MD to check out the “Taste of Bethesda”, which is an annual food festival, bringing in all kind of local and regional restaurants in Bethesda with their specialty dishes, etc. So that was the plan! On Saturday met up with him at his apartment where one of the people I know, whom I was trying to be just friend with, live.

It was actually very, I mean extremely, awkward to walk into the same building where I met him…

Anyway, went up to his condo and boy, I must say I thought I walked into a model house. In fact, I could say beyond a model house–fully furnished and definitely has a good taste. He gave me the tour and I was fascinated with the amount of art and furnishings he had in that condo. I told him I was amazed with his taste and I also said I was in the wrong business. We kind of laughed at that! We sat for a little bit and talked about the places that he’s been to and the places he’d like to check out. He mentioned about his interest in going to some countried down in South America. I bluntly said I am very enthusiastic about traveling just about anywhere. Anywhere other than Virginia would be beyond good for me. Some of the places he mentioned was Peru, Argentina, Brazil, and Chile. It turns out he’s been to Chile and Peru and so he wanted to go back and visit again. Towards the end of that conversation I made a point that I’d be thrilled to go travel with him just about anywhere and he threw the interest back at me–which is a good thing!

After that we got in the car and drove pass Shirlington and just so happen Shirlington was having the Octoberfest. Well, that sort of got our attention so we turned around and checked out the event. It turned looking at different kinds of beers at noon wasn’t a good idea - perhaps later that day but not that time. So having said that we went on and took the Metro to Bethesda.

So, we arrived in Bethesda, had a hard time finding the place though but we made it there. Boy, that event was amazing–truly was. There must have been tens of thousands of people, and I found it very fascinating. Bought our tickets which got us to check out different type of foods — definitely did not check out your typical burger and steak foods but cross-culture food. We tried Japanese, Malaysian, French, and Spanish cuisines. The various tastes are just incredible and what’s very sweet about was us with the crowd of folks feeding each other. I thought it was very cute! We sort of acted like no one else was around but us. Definitely sweet! I felt ants all over me. Really.

After that we had no luck to find a cocktail bar, so we ended up going to Chinatown and had cocktail. We both had Mojito, which we both like. Haven’t had those in a long time and yesterday was the perfect day to re-connect with it. Perfect drink, perfect weather, and a partner! It couldn’t have been better.

We sat and talked about several things. Actually glad it happened because I get to know him at a different level–knowing his relationship history, his family, etc. Us sitting across the Verizon Center having a drink or two was just perfect and relaxing. After that we offered we’d go back to his place and he’d make me more cocktail! I said Yes but surprised me with a drink. He made me a pomegranate martini, which is my favorite. I know, I know…Martini, a very gay drink! It does taste good and it taste better when you’re around somebody you enjoy. Anyway, he made a good one and having mojito before that kind of pushed me closer to my limit line and so I called it a day. Relaxed a little bit, chilled with him with more of the talking. Gosh, we just couldn’t stop talking!

The night went on as long as I could ever imagine. Very soothing and out of the ordinary. I quite frankly needed that. We both did, and I’m glad I decided to go on for another date. It was well worth it. Definitely worth it.

He is traveling for work during this week but will be back before the weekend. Whew! I’m glad because I’m waiting for my second round of home-made pom-tini! We might be going golfing next weekend, but I asked him to give that idea some thinking. Otherwise, we’ll pick some other ones. As far as I am concerned, whatever it is, I just want to see him again…

Sold At Hello

2008-10-01T01:24:00.001-04:00

This the shortest blog I have ever written… Tonight was my date night with Rich, the guy I met at Freddies on Sunday night. Well, I will say the night was incredibly awesome…

Had great food and service at Sakura in Fair Lakes… Very relaxing! We both tried some exotic sushi that we both haven’t had in the past…and guess what? That kept us excited throughout the whole dinner. Good food! Definitely would reccommend it…

Had a terrific time conversing about one another… We started talking about our family and work background. Boy, I must say he excelled in the business that he is in, and he seems to have passion in what he does. FYI - he is in the architectural and design for big companies throughout U.S. Then we talked about our hobbies, shows (Gawd! He is a CSI: Miami fan! I wanna marry him NOW! LOL), our relationship history, and some of the things we’d like to do in our own spare time. You can tell the conversation was lively, and it felt like we never ran out of things to talk about. Definitely a good communicator…

Headed to a bar to catch up for more drinks… Then there we kind of sat at the bar talking about what made him interested, etc. And surprisingly enough I threw the ball back to his court. There he explained more about what his personality is and things he can do. For example, mixing drinks. I asked him what he would make me given how the weather outside and he said “I’d make you a Chocolate Martini. Kind of dreary day and cool so it would give me the warmth that is suitable with someone to cuddle up with.” He sounded very knowledgeable about mixing drinks so I think there is an advantage for someone like me who doesn’t know shit about that kind of stuff. Anway, he is pleasant to sit at the bar and have a drink with!

Given all those events, we might have the second shot coming at us very soon. We’ll see how that goes and it hopefully both of our expectation will be met. Looking forward to seeing him again…

Off to Test Water Again

2008-09-30T02:19:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was really awesome although it pretty damn quick! On Saturday I attended my friend’s mom’s funeral service up in Mt. Vernon, and boy I must tell you I was lost for almost an hour trying to find the service place. My friend gave me the direction and somehow I went with my gut thinking that I have it all right in my head. I said to myself “Eh, I think I know where this place is. I used to pass it, blah, blah, blah…”.

Well, it turned out I was completely an idiot, driving around in the rain - not to mention I couldn’t see the damn road (i so need new glasses) - and I must have done 3 big ass circles. Some folks were out walking their dogs, etc. despite the fact it was all nasty outside and I’m sure they were like “Watch out for that yellow car coming around our neighborhood! Ah, and gay, too!”.

Well, somehow I drew myself back to the direction my friend gave me and there it was! Had I just followed it and not tried to be all “know it all”, I would have save my ass a few gas bucks!

After the service though I went home and took a nap. Not sure but having attended that service kind of drained me physically (i think it’s the driving) so I came home exhausted so I thought I take a nap before heading out for dinner. Around 7:00 pm I woke up, watched CSI: Miami (Gosh, I’d die if I miss a Miami episode. That’s how serious it is!), then got ready to go out to Chilis for dinner with my friends. And guess who was there, too? Rain! More and more rain! I said “Fuck, TOWN! Ain’t going out in the middle of rain!”

So I went home and watched Stop-Loss–that was a good movie! I didn’t expect Channing Tatum to be in underwear at some point of the movie and I’m like “Can you rewind that?”. And again, and again… LOL. So that was the Saturday deal.

Come Sunday morning, we went to IHOP for brunch in Centreville, near my gym, and I came across with at least 3 folks who goes to the same gym and they said Hi to me since they recognized me. (Yea, I look that distinctively…NOT!). I was right! The wold is smaller as I thought! Anyway, after brunch, I did the typical Sunday deal–laundry, groceries, etc.

Well, there was a slight change on my typical Sunday deal. Since I didn’t get to go out Saturday, I called my friend Gino and see if he wanted to watch the drag show at Freddies up in Arlington. It turned out he planned to call me that night, too. It worked out pretty well. We met in Woodbridge, drove up to Arlington, went into place, and boy that place is just awesome!

I missed it being there actually. It used to be my hang out every Sunday night. The place was crowded as usual. Met some friends there too. And to top that off, some very interesting guy came up to me and introduced himself–more like trying to sell himself. I didn’t “buy” him but he was quite interesting and funny. Very gentleman, too! Him in a nutshell is very attractive for his age (Yea, he is beyond my age limit), has established himself in a career that he chose, has mean to drive around, owns a condo (with a gym), very enthusiastic, explorative and athletic. All in all he may be a good candidate!

Well, he asked me for a date tomorrow. He wanted me to pick the place and so I said Sushi! Who doesn’t love Sushi? So he and I are catching some Sushi for dinner tomorrow. (Crap, I gotta find a really good one!). He’ll come down and meet me for dinner. Ain’t that nice? We’ll seee how it goes and if we want to see each other again, we’ll think of something very interesting to do…like biking at a trail in Mt. Vernon? It would really be awesome!

This is good. Someone would keep my on my toes and keep me active. I like someone who is proactive with different kind of stuff, especially any kind of outdoor sports. So yea he seems to have those qualities. The emphasis is the word “seems” - it doesn’t mean it is all true. We shall see… if it’s the truth, then we move forward…

Anyway, wish me luck. I’m off to test the water once again…

Really Excited...Not!

2008-09-24T23:10:00.001-04:00

This weekend may or may not be as fun as I thought it would be. Recently heard the news from a close friend of mine about her losing her mom last Saturday. She’s been trying to contact me to let me know over the past week but somehow lost my number (she bought a new phone and the phone book transfer was not successful!). Anyway, she got a hold of my work number so she called and told me the story. Really sad!

This Friday I’m going to attend the many service they have planned including Saturday. I will be out attending that mostly during the day. And, maybe go out with a friend of mine later on that night… but not positive!

Looking forward to it somewhat but not the events I’ll be attending to - but the idea that it’s the weekend!

Well, here it is about 11 at night and I’m still here at work. I was here in the office all day today, then decided to hit the gym for an hour with my colleague. I’m sooo happy that she decided to go back to working out. I praised her for having decided that and she seems serious this time. Anyway, after taking a shower at the gym, I thought “Eh, I’ll go back to work and finish what I started!”. Well, that happened and here I am talking about it! I got finished what I came back in for so now it’s time to go home.

Just an FYI, I was working on creating a conference website for one of my clients. See? I told you. When it comes to web design, it’s hard for me to resist. It is truly irresistable for me! I’m sooo obsessed with how I want the website to look, its functionality, and the many features! Can’t wait for the program committee to give me feedbacks and improve where it lacks - but I’m hoping for some compliments! Hehe! I’m sure I will …

Anyway, gotta go home now and have dinner. Ciao!

Waiting for Everything to Surface

2008-09-23T00:29:00.002-04:00

Last Friday was my third year mark being with my company and I must say it has been somewhat challenging adventure but relatively very good experience. Though I feel like I’ve only worked for few months and here I am three years after and I’m still there. Most would say “Gosh I feel like it’s been forever!” - but in my case there has been so many things throughout those years that time went flying over my head without me knowing it. I couldn’t believe it!

Though I’m still in the air in terms of what I would see myself do for the next year. Since I recently took the Program Director position, I will be in that position for a long time. Not just because it’s another Director position but the nature of the job and the atmosphere that you share with other folks is quite frankly very pleasant. I get to work with deans and professors from various prominent universities all over the U.S. Very professional and fun people to work with!

My boss and I had a brief discussion of what is ahead of me. Before she had the chance to say what she had planned for me, I told her what I would like first. First off the list is letting go advertising completely, then second is membership. Like I said I like being the Program Director so I expressed the interest in keeping that position and maybe do more executive stuff (i.e. working directly with the board and with different committees, etc). Not sure if that will happen but we shall see…

You know I can’t complain much about my job. I really can’t. I get to pretty much do what I want and how I want to do them. That’s the beauty of being in my position in a way that you have the opportunity to lead and shape the organization, in terms of internal processes, etc. It’s a tough job, though! But, if I can do it, anyone else can…

We haven’t schedule my annual review yet but I hope it happens very soon. Hopefully I will be able to get a new car with the raise I’m getting. I know it’s presumptuous but I shall see. I better get to crunching the number…lol.

Anyway, I can’t wait to be off Marketing and get on with my career to a different path but I'm waiting for everything to surface before I consider other options...

My Endless Imagination

2008-09-20T01:53:00.001-04:00

Salvame is one of my favorite songs. Although I can’t comprehend it per say but I searched the lyrics in English and I’m amazed what it actually meant. This particular song truly apply to the many experiences that I have had in my life, specially during the last 6 years. Quite eventful and this song perfectly play out those events for me. The beat is perfect and sort of soothing almost.

I imagine this song quite often especially at night (to help me fall asleep) and on my way to work. This is quite crazy but I play this in the back of my brain and I let it take me to a place where I will never be and the only way to be there is through my mind with the help with this song.

One of the place I imagine this song with is like I’m sitting on a huge ass rock wearing light clothing looking out into the ocean with the sun going down. The clouds are dark and orange with slight breeze blowing my hair in the air. Isn’t that quite peaceful? I just sit there and let the music play in the background and free the mind–absolutely free.

Sometimes I feel I need peace in my life. That’s what has been a challenge for me. It truly has been. And, the only way I let out all that is through music…

I find it very comfortable and relaxing. It almost feel like hypnotic but I guess if you have or feel so much emotions that you’ve been keeping inside that having that imagination kind of relates to what you feel and it helps you exile them in depth through music.

Anyway, here is the lyrics. The song is called Salvame, which is in English “Save Me” and sung by RBD.

SALVAME

Extrañarte es mi necesidad
Vivo en la desesperanza
Desde que tu ya no vuelves mas

Sobrevivo por pura ansiedad
Con el nudo en la garganta
Y esque no te dejo de pensar
Poco a poco el corazon
Va perdiendo la fe…..perdiendo la voz

Salvame del olvido…..salvame de la soledad
Salvame del hastio…..estoy hecha a tu voluntad
Salvame del olvido……salvame de la oscuridad
Salvame del hastio……no me dejes caer jamas

Me propongo tanto continuar
Pero amor es la palabra
Que me cuesta a veces olvidar

Sobrevivo por pura ansiedad……con el nudo en la garganta
Y esque no te dejo de pensar
Poco a poco el corazon
Va perdiendo la fe…..perdiendo la voz

Salvame del olvido…..salvame de la soledad
Salvame del hastio…..estoy hecha a tu voluntad
Salvame del olvido……salvame de la oscuridad
Salvame del hastio……no me dejes caer jamas

Salvame del olvido……..
Salvame del hastio……
Salvame del olvido…….

Perhaps A Career Change?

2008-09-19T01:37:00.000-04:00

Over the course of 6 years (tomorrow!) I have worked on membership and marketing for 5 national non-profit organizations mainly in the Metropolitan Washington DC area. At first I thought there’s no way I could survive these mentally-exhausting job positions, but I surprised myself. I’m still here. Very well and alive! So I guess that means something. I love my position and the job that it entails. Yea, it’s a lot but I fortunately learned how to handle the pressure.

When I first took the marketing job at a pharmaceutical non-profit organization based in Rosslyn (I love that area!), I thought I don’t belong here. Everyone looked very professional, men wearing tie (kind of hot actually), and absolutely strictly business only atmosphere. Well, I told myself “Eh! This is a piece of cake!”. Handled it just fine until 13 months later, I left and felt I had to move on with my career.

Although I miss very few people there and in fact became very close friends with, up until now, I still think I would not have made it very far at that place career-wise. You know people have been there for years and I wasn’t about to replace them. There wasn’t really a space for folks to move up a little in their positions. That’s why people come and go. So no one really pro-long their stay there especially when/if you have an entry level job. So, yea! I said I gotta go.

I left that place with hopes that I could get another job that pays a little bit better and that it has some possibility of pushing me up with my career. Well, in fact, I fortunately got the job I have now through ASAE website (for those who doesn’t know - ASAE stands for American Society of Association Executives, where I proudly belong). Got hired pretty quickly because of my marketing background and my experience with membership marketing. Held the Manager position until two weeks later upgraded my position as Director. Sweet! Wow, speaking of trying to get promoted, that one came phenomenally fast. I couldn’t believe it at first, until when it finally sinked in. That’s why I’m pulling my hair out now–I shouldn’t have taken the job!!! Kidding. I love it.

Well, being in this job now for 3 years, once again tomorrow (Do I hear Congrats?), I thought I’d branch off from marketing and move onto another specialty like web designs, or communications, or publishing. Well, I’m the web designer for two of my clients, with limited means (Gosh, I don’t want to talk about it!) of web design softwares. I think I’d make a good web designer and or a publisher. I’m now working on a project that has to go to press tomorrow and I love the coordination aspect of it–layout, content, proofing, etc. The whole process is very tedious, but very productive and quite a learning experience. You get to know every single person involved in the process. And you know what the most exciting part of it is that after you’ve done what you’re suppose to do, you get a hardcopy of your work. It’s not like Michael Angelo work of art - but certainly worth seeing your hardwork in solid reality. Once this project of mine goes to press, I can’t wait to see my work as a hardcopy!!!

The whole of this blog is to say I’m getting fed up with marketing stuff, and I want to move on and tackle other things and perhaps become a designer, or a publisher, or a public speaker. Nah, that’s too ambitious! But, you know what–maybe it’s possible. Definitely possible!

In the coming days I’ll be discussing with my Executive Director regarding the possibility of letting go of membership marketing completely and tackle on more executive type of stuff like board and committee management and/or finance. We’ll see . . .

I will blog about me going back to school again at NOVA next time… For now, good night!

Counting Sheeps Backwards

2008-09-16T02:26:00.001-04:00

Here it is almost two in the morning and I’m still wide awake - not a drop of a sense to fall asleep. Not really sure what’s going on but lately I’ve been having these series of sleepless nights. Every night I don’t look forward to not being able to comfortably drift and fall on into sleep.

Some nights though however can be blamed to caffeine I occasionally have after a good dinner hours before. I go the gym sometimes then come home get myself ridiculously full and that triggers me crave for caffeine. It helps though to get my metabolism going but lots of time it keeps me up and bouncy for hours until 4 in the morning, until whenever it wore out.

This time though I think it’s not caffeine. First of all, I didn’t have any coffee at all today (woot!). Normally I have coffee (Triple Grande Skim With No Whip White Mocha) from Starbucks EVERY MORNING but since I decided to eat healthy and slack a bit with sugar I rarely go there now. Sometimes on a hot weekend or when pay day comes I treat myself for a hot or cold drink from Starbucks. I don’t know … but it makes me feel good.

Again, it’s not the coffee tonight. I don’t know what it is really.

I think it’s a combination of so many things right now. Work mostly and family issues. I’m still trying to work out some family issues, which appears to be inconsistent throughout the last few months. I won’t discuss specific details but I think those problems my folks deal with at home will eventually see some light at the tunnel and hopefully they can live at peace.

Work is also a part of it. Too much going on at work that sometimes I just don’t want to go home and just keep on working. It’s bad, it’s really bad. I shouldn’t have to feel this way but I feel so much pressure at work, now that our meeting is becoming closer and closer. And, on top of that, I have my normal marketing, membership, and advertising stuff to stay on top of. I guess I miscalculated the amount of work it involves when I took the program development position, in a way that I get more experience under my belt but the amount of pressure that gets put on you is rather overwhelming.

I, too, look forward to some light at the end of the tunnel soon. Prognosis is not very likely. I can’t do anything - absolutely nothing. Perhaps I’m not yet convinced that this is what a Director is suppose to do. I wanted it so I got it. There is a turning back - but absolutely disastrous to my whole career when/if I decide to step down from my position. If I do, I couldn’t guarantee I would get it back or get another position like it. So the lesson is suck it up!

My horoscope today is yet on the spot again…

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Different strokes for different folks. Today, more people around you will differ in their beliefs from yours. Rather than clash with all of them, listen respectfully to their opinions. Then only if absolutely necessary, try explaining your position. Great day to expose yourself to other points of view.

Okay, I’m going to try again and fall asleep. Perhaps this time I’ll count 100 sheeps backwards…

Newly Polished Name Badge

2008-09-12T00:55:00.000-04:00

Just an update on what’s going on at work companywide, in terms of re-organization, policies and protocols, chain of command (a.k.a. hierarchy), etc. I have never really talked about stuff that goes in the office in here in details but perhaps I thought I’d share that little piece to everyone, and see how interesting my work place is.

Recently it has been quite eventful at work, given all the work that each one of us have, computer started to give up on us (i.e. computer viruses on some of us), in the middle of the project crunches for almost everyone in the office. Not so much impact to others - but those of us who are involve in and responsibilities for big projects, it was quite frustrating to work on a computer that practically can no longer function. (Ugh!) The president of the company (also the owner) democratically made everyone of us aware of the amount of time we spend on lunches, personal phone calls during work hours, chatting in the hallway, texting, web-surfing, etc. So it was like a bucket of cold water came dumping on us like frogs! Quite funny - but everyone must adhere to it including myself. I won’t discuss this part too specific!

More and more stuff are finally coming off my desk and getting transitioned to one of my colleagues so that he can do the hands on work and I supervise. Supervising is one thing but quality checking is another. These two are quite frankly are pain in my butt - but I look at it as a learning tool to perhaps teach me how to manage people better. I’m just glad though that it is happening the way my boss and I planned it so that I have time to do other things way important than having to sit and enter data. I’m not saying I’m too good for data-entry (everyone enter data including Directors like myself), but I have paid my dues for that particular area and I think I’m off to bigger things now. Bigger means no data entry - but a whole lot more responsibilities. Certainly 10 times worst!

Speaking of being a director, recently the president decided to follow protocols (finally!) that every one of us must present ourselves outside of our company as “Associates”. So that means my title “Membership Marketing Director” now turned into “Corporate Marketing Firm Associate”. I quite frankly like that better than the other. The other can rest for a while! (lol). However, what makes us different though significantly is the many responsibilities that we all have. Responsibilities, not titles, gives the office certain dynamic and hierarchy, which we all observe. The boss is the boss! Supervisor are the supervisors, and the rest is the rest. I still have my Director position (by representing my clients) as long as I’m with the company. You know what the problem is? Some of us though have a problem with accepting the fact someone reports to somebody - to whom is the issue. And you know what I call that? Politics. Office has its politics — the good ones as well as the bad ones. Everyday everyone is trying to know their boundaries, knowing where they stand in the scheme of things, and to whom everyone has to be an ass-kisser for, etc. I know where I stand and will remain standing where I stand.

Things have calm down a bit now in terms of that - but project-wise it’s getting worst for my boss and I. (Just an FYI - my other 8 colleagues works on other accounts (which are 2 clients) but my boss and I work on three accounts; we have two people though that helps us with some of our stuff) For the next three months, we’re gonna be working on getting ready for our meeting in New Orleans, such as having our brochure go to press within next week, scheduling of all the research paper sessions, coordinating registration, hotel, and exhibits, etc. So work-wise, yea we’re extremely busy!!!

So that is the update regarding work! Ciao!

180 degrees

2008-09-11T00:33:00.000-04:00

During the last two weeks my ex boyfriend had been trying to re-connect with me. He has tried texting me, calling me and leaving me voice messages, and emailing me at work, and you know what hasn’t happened? I haven’t even tried or considered returning his attempts.

Not sure exactly what is motivating me to bounce his attempts off my shoulder just like that. Perhaps didn’t want to deal with any of his false and selfish statements, that often times goes around and around. And quite frankly it drives me nuts. Truly does.

Okay, maybe I’m being a little harsed to him and everything considering the fact that he called and left me a VM saying that he had been in the hospital recently due to a surgery (not exactly what it was) - but so far he hasn’t heard from me yet to say “Sorry to hear that. I hope you’re doing well!”. I’m quite sure he is fishing for some attention, attention that he long from me after nearly 4 years of separation.

We stayed as friends off and on - but we both go through the same roll of toilet paper (excuse me) that whenever we get together, a lot of trash throwing happen and I figure let go of that past and move on with the present time into the future. What he has been hoping for is another opportunity to be with me. Well, unfortunately, I decided to correct any mistakes I did in that relationship and be better for the next one. For some reason, I have no intention of getting back together to hopefully fill in what we lacked and make up for what we did. My life moved on and so with the rest of me.

Interestingly enough I have his initials tattooed on my left ankle, something to remind me of the person whom I dearly loved when I was young and the first guy I love for the first time. It’s quite surreal back then, but looking at it now I have matured enough to distinguish love and lust. Flesh satisfaction is what all there is for most relationship - but I believe that real love and passion comes with a greater chance for a long lasting relationship.

There is absolutely nothing greater than the ability to love someone freely, someone who can reciprocate that and someone who can help you keep it flowing…

Thousands of Pieces Funneling Down

2008-09-10T00:54:00.001-04:00

So late part of August was when I hit the 7 year mark of being and living fabulously here in the States. I didn’t do anything special other than knowing that day was the day I stepped into U.S. 7 years ago completely innocent to what this country was all about. Quite frankly I didn’t know how I was gonna live my life here and I sort of left everything to my Mom to educate me what to expect, what to do and what not. I tell you the transition was not in any way easy and was rather drastic. From being amateur of what living is all about to knowing how to live it was quite phenomenal.

In those 7 years I began to grasp that being here was in fact my chance to be me. Not only about coming out as gay to my family, after the two year influence of american culture, it made me realize I had a life to live out there, where and how to live it.

My journey so far though has been exceptionally significant in so many aspects. Had the opportunity to show the family and the rest of the world my true color; made connection and continue building my relationship with my Mom; established my ambitions and plans to achieve them; and the most important thing is that along the way I have surrounded myself a good set of folks who dear and embrace themselves to becoming successful and feeling free from everything. I am very proud to have accomplished many things and having involved myself with good people for the purpose of defining the famous slogan of all time “No man in an island”.

That is truly the spirit I came to U.S. with - reveal to the world who I am and what I am capable of doing. And, I’m here living the dream everyday. . .

Recently my sister, who is in Hong Kong, and I re-connected after a long while of being so into our individual lives. We briefly talked about the possibility of re-uniting the family of the generation before us. That involves my Mom’s side of the family, which is suprisingly nowadays made up of 10 siblings, Mom being the eldest. Well… this re-union would likely to be challenging since every single one of them are scattered like busted bag of rice all over the face of the planet.

The varied party would be from (1) Mom (with my brother, and I) from U.S., (2) Uncle Floran from Dubai, (3) Jean from Athens, Greece, (4) Divina from Madrid, Spain, (5) Liza and (6) Donna from Hong Kong, China, (7) Tony from Saudi Arabia, (8) Zeny, (9) Maricel, and (10) Emy from Manila, Philippines. Grandchildren would be me and my brother (U.S.), Karen (my sister from Hong Kong), Jasmine (from Hong Kong), and my cousin from Greece. Also, there might be a possibility of my other cousins from New York to come home for the re-union as well as my mom’s relatives in San Jose, CA.

Either way the re-union would be a blast and could be one of a lifetime opportunity to get us come together once more. Knowing how difficult for each one of us to take off from work, fork out the expenses, and everything else, this one time (hoping for more just one time) gathering would bring the whole family together to make everyone realize our family foundation will always be there. No matter what happens.

My sister and I hope this will come true in the near future. I can’t wait to see my sister again and remember the things she and I used to do as “girls” (LMAO!) when my granny wasn’t around. Fun times!

Time can only tell when this come into reality. Soon we will funnel down to where we all came from and I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

The Market Brand Challenge

2008-09-06T02:40:00.004-04:00

So lately I’ve been thinking about getting a new set of wheels for the road. Something economical like hybrids. And not only that it saves your pocket a few backs here and there (but it adds up!), it helps the health of nature. You know you gotta do your part to save the planet from “going bankrupt”. Little things one can do makes a significant difference . . . ya know!

Knowing my personality when I say hybrids I just don’t buy the first hybrid I see on the car lot. It has to mean something. Personally, I like to prioritize looks over everything, then brand comes second. And you know what so bad about it is the money part I don’t normally care about. Lots of time that had gotten me in trouble! I look around and when something hits me in the right spot, it’s impossible to stop me from getting it. Whatever it is. Well, depends on what it is but I work hard to get what I like and want.

I have had my pretty boi Keeser for almost 4 years now and I honestly think I’ve had enough of that eye striking bright canerie yellow car! (Sorry Keeser!) I have received numerous “Nice!”, “Sweet!”, and so forth ever since I got it. I must say it is flattering to drive a set of wheels they don’t make anymore . . . or at least in that color for that particular brand and model. For those who doesn’t know, my everyday “shoes” is a 2001 LEXUS IS300, V6, 250-300 something horsepower, Canerie Yellow exterior, black leather interior, 17″ alloy wheels, conservative but sleak spoilers, tinted windows/sunroof, 6-speed transmission, and etc. I know it’s an 7-year old car and it takes my behind from point A to point B.

Although it is that old, it gave me a lot of fun and not so fun memories. I won’t share any of the bad ones but I will say Keeser has been good to me over the past 4 years. I’m in it EVERYDAY and Keeser has witnessed some of my best and worst time in my life. I know it’s only a car - has no life - but inside of it though was where I let myself free mentally. I often dream in my car as I drive to and from work, or gym, or club, or whenever I’m in it. Keeser is always there to let me dream. I’m not that superficial but I have a dreamcatcher hanging below the rearview mirror; people say it catches your dreams and should be in my bedroom and not in my car - but my response everytime is that dreams usually happen in my car so that is where you’re gonna find the dreamcatcher.

I gave car-shopping a little bit of thought and so I got on Lexus.com (for a newer Lexus), MercedesBenz.com (my dream car brand), LandRover.com (Gosh, Range Rover Sport come get me!), and of course, my baby Porsche.com. Of the three, two didn’t have any hybrids, but Lexus. I mean I could consider another Lexus yet again but I want to try what another brands has to offer. Now I know that almost of the European brands unfortunately have not been successful with their reliability ratings for many, many decades. Despite that though people still buy them for the obvious reason–status! Oh yea, there is absolutely nothing greater than driving a Mercedes Benz, regardless of year/model, with that emblem sticking out of the hood. Mmmm! It’s like a well-done/medium well New York strip steak on a plate! You just want to jump in it and never want to come out.

But again, although I said looks first before brand . . . but those two go together. It doesn’t work without the other. So my best pick is a newer Lexus–the most reliable, modern-age, well-advanced, highly competitive, aerodynamic, increasingly public demand, luxury vehicle in the U.S. and of course, Japan.

I hope I will be able to buy a newer car before moving to California. Just because sales taxes are probably cheaper here in VA than in California. So . . . I can’t wait to get on whatever the best Lexus model there will be on the lot when I go shop. We’ll see . . . By the way here’s Keeser.

Hypothesis: Project Under "Floating" Game

2008-09-03T00:22:00.000-04:00

Some of you know that I will be travelling to New Orleans, LA this coming January for a week-long conference with my Administrative Director to see our 10-month program development project come to reality. For those of who invest so much of their time in program development, you can’t wait to see the fruit of your labor, with hopes that the actual implementation goes well and smooth–that’s what all “project leaders” hope for!

Being the Program Director of this 10 long months of staff and volunteer coordination, I (or “we”, my boss included) am expected to be there and see how everything comes together. I had been working with volunteers from all over the country to put this program together. Volunteers may sound very little to some–but actually these “volunteers” are prestigiously well known in their field. Highest caliber of experts, if you will.

For example, my boss and I have been working with the Dean and Professor of the Graduate School of Social Work at the University of Denver along with the Deputy Dean of Research at the Social Service Administration of The University of Chicago. These individuals both serve on the Board of Directors for a non-profit social work and research organization. They collectively volunteer their time, efforts, and expertise in putting this program together and we (next year it’ll be “I”) are there to put into action. That is why we are very eager to see our hardwork come into reality and hopefully everything goes well.

With what is going on down in LA, that puts us sitting on the edge crossing our fingers hoping that hurricane season this year won’t be as bad as when hurricane Katrina hit downtown New Orleans back in 2005. In fact, one of my colleague’s client had to cancel their conference during that time because of the devastation caused by the hurricane. Had there been a massive destruction caused by hurricane Gustav at the hotel where the conference was going to be, our client would have had to stamp the project “CANCELED”.

We pray for those who lives where the major destructive events are happening that they stay safe as possible and get to higher grounds before it’s too late. I have a couple of friends who lives down there and I hope they are doing OK.

After this New Orleans project, the next venue is San Francisco, CA (yet again! woot! woot!). Quite frankly I can’t wait–I really can’t. But, before that one though, we’ll have one local meeting which is going to be in Washington, DC (I’m really excited….NOT!) in May 2009. Then January 2010 is San Francisco, then May 2010 is Denver, CO. (Yea!!!).

Anyway, I said all that to say this “Please don’t float our project away into the sea!”…

I Deserve A Second Round (or More!)

2008-08-25T01:58:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that I had a business trip down in San Francisco last May for a week and I must say that I had a tremendous amount of fun–entertainment, networking, and adventure–and up until this point, I can say that it was the most memorable and “funnest” place I have ever been to. I’m sad to say yet again that I wish I go back and stay there for good.

Well, it turns out I might be able to get yet not only one but two more chances of being back there. One is a vacation with my good friend Gino (25, Jamaican) at the end of September since my Miami trip two weeks ago did not work out so well, and two is that I’ll be planning our annual meeting for one of my clients for the 2010 conference at the same hotel, etc. To be honest, I’m really looking forward to it. I told myself Yay! I’ll be back there sooner than I really anticipated. Good for me! I can go back and re-connect with someone. I hope he’ll still be in San Francisco. I’m sure he is–but we’ll shall see.

I had been communicating with Miguel off and on during the last month or so. It is kind of upsetting for me because of not having that much of a luck to connect with him simply because (1) I’m 3000 or so away from him, (2) I met him (he met me) typically in a visitor-localist scenario, where “Ok, nice meeting you. Let me show you the city” deal come to play, and (3) I can’t really expect too much from that “nice meeting you” experience since I’m not even ready to move to California. It has made me depressed for a little while and I’m still recovering from that and hopefully find something that interest me for the meantime. Knowing what DC has to offer, it is quite challenging.

Though for the last two weeks or so I have found some ways to detach from that depression and focus on some things more positive but keeping that thought/hope alive in the back of mind.

All I can do at this point is focus. Stay track with my goals and stick with the things I want to accomplish while I discover things that could occupy my mind, things that interests me like my older hobbies with which I’d like to get back to doing, meeting new people of course–keeping that door open–and whatever else there is to do/see. There’s only but so much things here but I’m gonna try and turn things around positively.

Too Many Fish In The Sea

2008-08-23T01:15:00.001-04:00

Well, let’s see…lately during the last two weeks work volume has been pretty overwhelming for me. Because of the complexity of this program development that I had been working on, it made my two weeks fly by me so fast. In a way I’m glad that it did–I can finally get a sense of what else is going on outside my work world.

On top of that though surprisingly I had been able to go work out a lot more than usual. I don’t know…I suppose I had a little bit of taste of the hardwork and commitment I’ve been doing–losing weight–and I thought I’d test how far this commitment is going to take me, and fortunately I’ve seen a difference in my waist size and weight - not significant though but there’s some difference. Well, that made me more motivated in going to the gym and eating healthier faithfully everyday. I must admit though there are days - I mean days - that I sort of “Eh, Arby’s wouldn’t hurt anything!”…but I sense weight gain practically immediately. It’s amazing but I suppose when your system is already adjusted to the “healthy” way of consuming food, the body just doesn’t process it the same way. So I told myself, I can do this! Definitely can. I just need to stay on track but bend the rules every now and then.

In between last week and this past week I went out to TOWN with my good friend Gino and Tim, a friend whom I’ve known by face at TOWN for several months now. It turned out that Tim, 30, who is from Vietnam, is a member of AQUA (remember AQUA? I blogged this last week) and I was like “What!”. I’m like “Bitch! You should have told me! We could have to AQUA events together!” Well, actually I didn’t say that. I’m actually glad that he is a member so that I can have somebody I know without any special connection that I can go with and perhaps mingle with other Asian and Pacific Islander gay men in the Metro DC area. He introduced me to some of his friends, not to mention they were hot. Not because I don’t appreciate it meeting people that way, but I’d like to meet people in some other way as oppose to the typical online chat rooms or whatever. This time though I’d like to meet somebody to network professionally, socialize with while being associated with a group that has a good cause for gay Asian and Pacific Islanders. Quite frankly I would like to part-take what AQUA envision for the API and how I can contribute to their success. Not only to the organization itself but what I can do for people like myself. I just hope that this alternate way of socializing with people would work way better than typical.

As they say, too many fish in the sea! As long as I’m alive, I will keep my life surrounded with good people who has great ambitions and achieve a fulfilling life. Too many guys out there–I’m sure I’ll find the one for me.

Pass Out More Business Cards?

2008-08-11T01:46:00.001-04:00

During my recent environmental scan of the Metropolitan DC area, in terms of organization affiliation, I discovered this non-profit organization, based in downtown DC, called “Asian-Pacific Islanders Queer United for Action”, also known as AQUA. AQUA is an organization for queer APIs, by queer APIs, focusing on queer API issues and interests. They strive to project a positive image of queer API men in the community through advocacy, education, outreach, and social events. It did sound like to me a good way to socialize and network with other Asian-Pacific Islanders in the area and get a sense of the things I have yet to discover.

I gave joining the association a thought this weekend, and I think I’m going to associate myself with them. Not only that I get socialization opportunity out of the deal but an opportunity to fork out assistance with their board of directors, in terms of volunteering to help the organization increase their membership and improve their marketing plans and strategies. I spoke to one of the Board members about the possibility of leadership in this area. I offered them my background in marketing and program development, in which I think I have a lot to bring to the table with respect to these areas. I enjoy assisting small groups in becoming larger, and I thought this would be an opportunity.

What’s interesting about AQUA is that they encourage people who are interested in making a difference in the image of Asian-Pacific Islanders in so many aspects, not only in the DC area but in general. I believe at this point in time, this particular group of gay men experiences different types of struggles, challenges, and opportunities for discrimination. The focus on involving people who can transition Asian-Pacific Islander gay men from that pool of discrimination to becoming equally and socially acceptable in the community. It’s not so much about the “What’s In It for Me?” concept but “What’s In It for All of Us?” concept. They like to think big and to bring equality to all Asian-Pacific Islander gay men.

One of the many activities AQUA holds is their monthly “rap” session that is essentially an educational session covering many topics that Asian-Pacific Islander gay men have concerns about. I do believe they address “those” issues and educate themselves and so with others how to cope up with these differences and find resolutions, perhaps in a short term but essentially they strive to implement long term resolutions through education, advocacy, and outreach.

For those of you who maybe interested in joining, visit their website at www.aquadc.org. Learn about not what AQUA can for you, but what you can do for AQUA, or in other words the Asian-Pacific Islander gay community.

I’m planning to affiliate with them and see where this avenue can take me socially and professionally. I would love to get to know Asian-Pacific Islanders in the area, who perhaps may have similar interests and/or outlook with being gay in the DC area or being gay in general. I also hope this will give me the opportunity to meet that someone who I had been looking for.

Adios for now and I will keep you posted and hopefully it will work…

Time For A New Companion

2008-07-23T01:11:00.002-04:00

For those of you who knows I live with a roommate who has two adorable beagles. I knew from the beginning that I'd be living with them and that I had no problem with it. I actually grew up back in the Philippines with the "normal" pets in the house. But, since when I came to U.S. I didn't have the opportunity to have one on my own because of my previous living situation and at the time had no room for pet maintenance, money-wise.

I actually miss having a pet. Every time I think of one I remember my dog I left in the Philippines before I came to U.S. What broke my heart and it still does every time he comes across my mind is that he knew I was leaving him forever and that he will never ever see me again. Dogs have some sense of their surroundings and can predict stuff happening around them. The morning I left my town my dog - his name was Tsino - knew he won't get to see me again and didn't quit jumping on me all morning and when I got on the bus he came running after it and seeing him being left behind was incredibly heart-exploding and it still hits me. I remember those puppy eyes he gave me as the bus drove away. They said "Don't leave me...please!". Up until now I still feel guilty of having left him alone.

That's how crazy I am with dogs and although they are only dogs, they live in this planet and deserves care and attention. We protect them and they protect us. They help people in so many ways. They entertain us, too. They lift every single desperate soul up and what's amazing is that it is all true.

Daisy Mae and Ashly - the two biegels in the house - are as wonderful as dogs can ever be. One is playful and one is more a hermit. They balance each other out. It reminds me people living with one another. People survive by balancing each other out. They do and having dogs around makes life even more fun, in a way that we relate to other living things on the planet other than human beings.

Lately I've been thinking about adopting a miniature schnauzer. Not sure why I like that breed, but I think they are wonderful and very beautiful dogs. I found a picture online and I want my soon companion to look like this:

I'm still looking around and hopefully I'll find the right one that needs a home and a loving owner. I can't wait to own one. Though the amount of time and money it'll take would be reasonable but having the companion to pass time with, have fun with, walk with, jog with would be priceless! Truly be. Hmm...any suggestion on what I should name the dog with? If you have one, feel free to let me know. Thanks!

Off To Somewhat A Paradise

2008-07-21T18:50:00.001-04:00

Remember when I said I was going to Miami this summer? Well, my plan now is sort of tweaked a little bit. William and Ernesto, my two good 'ole friends - both Salvadorenos - and I are driving down to good 'ole Orlando on August 7th and will be back on probably August 10th or 12th. On the day we leave is William's birthday. (Didn't realize it until Ernesto told me today!) Although we'll be spending the day driving on William's birthday, but I think it's going to be fun anyway regardless.

Orlando is our first destination but we'll be planning to hit other cities like Tampa, Ft. Lauderdale, and of course Miami! Our itinerary is somewhat undecided yet but we plan to go to these places while we are down there. I think we all know that there will be a lot of driving, drinking, eating, and beach time involved during this whole time. That's what we do when we get together. We are such a drunk ass bitches, aren't we?

I forewarned my friends that I might not be able to take off those days because of the crunch I've got going on at work but fortunately my boss was okay with it. She just asked me to get things under control before I leave and I said No problem! I initially thought she'd be not okay with it considering that it's only over two weeks of notice of this upcoming vacation. Normally with the amount of work we have on our plates, vacation notices requires at least three weeks or a month advance notice. Well, I'm fortunate that I got to take off those days.

Well, in the coming week or two I'll be planning to shop for you know what; not that I don't have anything to wear, but I'm just tired of what I already got. I wanna go shopping for (Armani Exchange?) stuff before the trip. Last year I went to San Diego and Los Angeles for summer and this year Orlando/Ft. Lauderdale/Miami will be just as fabulous! I'll be posting some pictures when we get back! Adios for now!

The Only Woman In My Life

2008-07-20T01:42:00.001-04:00

The one and only person I would die for in this world is the only woman in my life, my Mom. I am writing this entry to somewhat express my love to my mother. I know this isn’t going to showcase everything but it’s my way to shout out loud to the world that I owe everything, absolutely every single thing.

Our destiny for being together was not quite the standard. My definition of standard is that children are raised by their parents, but for many of us we grew up and were raised by our family relatives. My siblings and I didn’t have the opportunity to go through our childhood with our parents. And, therefore, there was no opportunity for us to build a parent-child relationship all the way through those years.

Fortunately in 2001, our lives came to an intersection - thanks to Immigration and Naturalization Service - after so many years; I’d say close to 10 years. I must say it was awkward position to be in, knowing that the person I knew in my head that I had a “Mother” and that she was in abroad, was walking towards us and gave us very warmth hugs and kisses and stood there and stared at us. I sure didn’t know how to react and asked myself “So, this is my Mom?”. Yes, that was her!

Over the years we’ve learned things about one another - through “thick and thin” - and we built our relationship which is getting stronger and unbreakable year after year. However, we realize we are human and human makes misjudgments. But, we both believe we just love one another. It takes one to know and love someone.

Out of the blue I’d text her and say “I love you, Mom!” and saying those words to her makes my day. They really do. I want to take every opportunity I can get to make her realize she’s worth more than anything I have, or anything I’ve ever had, or whatever I will have in the future. She is totally beyond priceless.

So for those folks out there you only get one mother in your lifetime. Make her feel you owe your life to her. Because if you stop and think about it, WE all do. Say I love you, Mom every now and then. It’s worth it. She definitely deserves those words. So pick up your phone right now and call/text your Mom and say but mean those words. I guarantee it - you’ll make her day.

Trapped In My Own World

2008-07-17T00:56:00.002-04:00

Right now I can’t imagine how to describe to the best as I can how my life is moving and where it is headed to. There are quite a number of things I wish I had more control over where I can plan changes and implement them. Perhaps a lot of people often deny themselves that they are not control freak - but I must say I am somewhat…not in a ridiculous level, though.

I think over-analyzing things is one of my hardcore problems, in which I find myself shamefully fail every time I try to do something about it. One big factor is the unbearable, harsh childhood I have had when I was growing up by which made some incredible impact to what and how I am today. I had become an individual who does not appreciate errors, misjudgments, the “falling through cracks”, disrespects, disloyalty, and so forth. If any of these gets tested, it motivates the not-so-good shade of myself to react unpleasantly. Others say, as a typical Taurus characteristic, that it is completely normal. In many cases I certainly doubt association of character to philosophical icons/beliefs. Not sure how precise zodiac signs are with representing one’s acts - but I strongly believe people’s behaviors gets provoked because of other contributing factors.

Every day I try to be better and learn to let go of things I can’t control anymore, and things I shouldn’t have control over to begin with, and learn to loosen up. It’s like addiction to smoking. Undergoing process to quit takes a step, or two, or three, or whatever before you can actually see/experience some difference. It’s a process that I’m going through slowly and hopefully successful. I just feel awkward sometimes when I feel domineering to some people, but not quite atrocious, though. Not good. I mean it’s really bad. Don’t like it at all!

There’s nothing worst than feeling trapped in your own world where you were suppose to find your way out - but to no avail. It’s not easy. I think over time I’ll be able to find an outlet. I just have to embrace new things, appreciate the things I currently have, and perhaps have different, only positive outlook on them. Not the usual “black is black, white is white”. I hope by learning to accept my boundaries and cope up with the changes around me, whether I have control over them or not, and learning how far it should go should make me feel lighter. I really hope so.

Change Outrule Just About Everything

2008-07-14T18:33:00.001-04:00

Spending quality time with your family pretty much over-rule anything I could think of that I enjoy the most. This past weekend I spent my time with my Mom doing just random stuff here and there throughout the whole weekend. Despite the merciless humidity we motivated ourselves to do something outside the house. Well, we did play some Wii games for a little while, but we figured we have enough time to do that. So we decided to go from one place to the other during the last two days. I must say I really enjoyed being with her. Not just because she’s my Mom - but she makes sure that I know I can have fun with her as a friend - a very close friend! You know we talked just about everything and I feel comforted every time I open up with her. It never fails. I hope it will continue and that every day makes closer than we had ever been.

Now, let me say this first: I went to TOWN last Saturday to celebrate my friend’s going-away party. He’s going to Jamaica for two weeks (Vacation? Yea, I know. I’m jealous!) and because he is a good friend of mine, I couldn’t say No. So I met him there around 11:30 and there I also came across with another friend of mine whom I have not seen in over a month. I’m really surprised TOWN wasn’t crowded at the time I got there - but it got busier later on that night. I’m sure people are experiencing this whole ridiculous price of gas and it’s impacting how people spend their dollars. A large number people, I’m sure, prefer to hit the movies as oppose to going clubbing. Quite frankly I’ve been doing that, not just because the gas prices, but the whole scene of clubbing, which I’ve been seeing over the course of many years, has gone old. Haven’t been in it though for over two months or pressing three months is quite a good separation from the usual to something unusual. However, breaking that long clubbing pause after a certain point makes it more fun and makes you feel a first-timer. I did enjoy being there this past weekend and not to mention had a minimal alcohol. Not that it is advisable to drink and drive - but I wasn’t like my normal style. It was good for a change. Less alcohol means less money to be spent. But, for those who may have low-tolerance I suggest don’t go over your limit. Be safe.

One long night at TOWN sparked a few potential connections - but I somehow reserved myself. I sort of didn’t appreciate myself the next day. I told myself shake it off and I’m sure I’d see him over there again. Hope he’ll make the first move again. (Yea, I know…I suck at that!). I’ll keep this site updated with that.

Have a great work-week everyone!

Respecting Our Annual Ritual

2008-07-06T14:06:00.005-04:00

So this past 4th of July weekend was awesome! Started off with being off on Thursday all the way through today, my dad’s birthday celebration on Friday, fireworks display on Friday night, yet another cook-out yesterday afternoon and a movie, and today doing some home stuff (laundry, etc) and probably later on today dinner with Mom and gym afterwards. Quite busy schedule I’ve got going on - but it’s awesome. It’s something that keeps me running around and not realize how quick time goes by rather than doing nothing. I like to keep my weekend occupied for something, anything. I like being pro-active with any kind of stuff, which I seem to enjoy, either with by myself, or with my roommate, or friends. It’s kind of cool to have that kind of lifestyle. Diversity, people…diversity!

After the overwhelming awesomeness of the fireworks display in Manassas (apparently the largest one in the state of Virginia), despite the not-so-bad rain, we’re still going to continue planning our next year’s ritual. It’s great to know that you can do other stuff with your co-workers other than being co-workers. Our group - my boss, my roommate, another co-worker, and myself - seem to click very well and so we often plan to do something, anything whenever we get a chance. I like knowing that we’re more than just co-workers. They are awesome, great to have fun with, and they are (we are I should say) just the craziest group ever in and outside of the office. Anyway, so next year we plan to hit DC, although we’ve already anticipated the amount of efforts that will take just to go watch the fireworks. I think we’re gonna try to get in to watch the other festivities they will have going on. It’ll be awesome. We call it family trip because we’re family. Truly are.

Amanda, my co-worker, and I made an agreement that we would go back to the gym and work out. She and I go to the same gym (Woot woot, Lifetime Fitness!) - but we haven’t gone in a while. Both she and I had been crazy with our personal lives that we didn’t have time for it. Not that we’re making excuse of going, but it’s just been crazy with work. I suggested yesterday that after all this holiday we will try to work out again and get back on our diet stuff. In fact, we’re gonna go tomorrow, so that is going to be exciting! We’re back to square one!

So this week is going to be a full week - 5 days of work - and going back to work after a 4-day weekend is just lame. Seriously sucks. Oh, well. We gotta make some money, right? I’m sure this week will go by so fast (I hope!). I’ve already plan to do stuff this coming weekend so I’m looking forward to that.

Take care, guys and I shall touch base with you again at some point this week.

d-Jae

The Imaginary Wall

2008-07-02T19:58:00.003-04:00

I feel like I've hit the wall. Just like the movie "Clueless" back in 1995, most specifically "Cher" who was played by Alicia Silverstone where she was trying - all in her best - to survive the ups and downs of her adolescent life. Her external demeanor sort of buried her true self--charming, smart, and a truly phenomenal woman. The world she lived in, realistically up until now, was full of contributing factors to her great 'cluelessness' to what's really out there and that the world her eyes chooses to see has more than what it's worth.

A combination of different things is making me crave for changes. The big inspiration is having visited San Francisco over a month ago and I, since then, hope for rather immediate life transformation. During this crazy thought I had considered re-focusing some of my attention to other things such as spending more quality time with my Mom, re-connecting to my old habits, exploring other activities that doesn't involve friends, and devoting some 'me' time whenever I get a chance - or should I say whenever I get away from my during-the-week prison? It feels great though. I don't know - but it does. However, the 'doing it alone' has a negative connotations to most people. Perhaps that idea is actualized, perceived or otherwise, a self-beneficial interest of solitaire, where space is essential between you and the rest of the world.

I think part of the cons of solitaire confinement fascination is that you dodge every single human being and their respective possibly shady interests and agendas go bouncing off the wall. As I live my life each day, year after year, I'm wanting different things or actually valuing different things. Analogically, much like dating that every single failed candidate, you clearly see what you want and what you don't want. Prospects give you all levels of perspective satisfaction, and in return, we tend to search for whomever that person is who would otherwise 'go with the flow' with your own conclusion or reasoning and discard anyone that doesn't suit your perspective.

I'm SO ready to take my vacation. I could use a long, stress-free, not humid environment, where not a single conference call would even have the ability coming through my phone circuit for it to ring. Definitely a place where absolutely no reception, other than 911 calls, for any type of calls to get through. I need to invest more of the me time - quality me time - so that I can get to know myself again.

Good thing the weather has been calming down a bit. I would have been gaining a few pound here and there, otherwise. Quite honestly, I have gained my weight back. That, too, is on the list of things to do! I'm too much a movie slut, if you will, that I would give up a somewhat moderate day for a good 'ole Marvel movie with cheddar cheese popcorn.

So, today's horoscope is on the spot, yet again. I'm taking it to mean that I have to be extra careful when making decisions and that there's a limit to what you can do at a given time, at a given place, and at a given situation, and what changes I prefer to make and how I implement those changes:

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): The new moon focuses on emotions and feelings, and generates high levels of wisdom and sensitivity. You'll be in a strong position to calm and soothe a minor quandary, and you'll be able to keep all parties happy without having to take sides. Don't allow this issue to absorb all of your time today, though!

The Pursuit of a New Home

2008-07-01T19:22:00.007-04:00

The biggest stressor in my life right now is dealing with the fact that, at this point, I’m still unable to relocate to California. Wondering when I’m able to pay off all my bills; wondering how I can do it all quick and easy (prognosis: not very likely); wondering how am I to deal with being away from my family and some close friends; wondering what California has in line to offer me.

I have to be honest, I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. For right now my gut dictates my brain to wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, then find a job out in the west coast and move. But, even still I’m not sure how things are going to turn out.

What keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have full support from my family and the hope that I will be able to find the so-called ’special someone’. For whatever reason, I had been having this feeling that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I get there. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed very frequently that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to get everything on this end settled and that I can’t move for any unexpected reason, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that person and consider him my partner in life.

I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. I’m hyper-aware of the efforts that it would take to make this happen, the consequences that comes with it, and most especially all the prior financial commitments that I have accumulated over the course of the last 5 years. I’m sure that I will get to meet my soulmate - but I started to realize though how much improvements there is to work on within myself before I can move on into another relationship. I suppose other more important things takes priority as oppose to my attention only channeled just into one area. I believe that opportunity will come one day but important things comes first.

I hope it is not happening the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more things under control, things would not be the way they are…

I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco - but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us would feel ‘at home’. On top of that, some place where more people are lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live. A place you can call Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.

I’ve got it bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially my love life, and the interest of moving on and living my life with all my best and hopefully share that with someone. Also to prove that I can be on my own outside my family surveillance and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will gain it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue moving me forward.

I’m usually determined to get what I want - but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. For God’s sake, I’m only 26 years old. However, before I hit the BIG 30 I want to become an executive, which I will in December 2010. I’ve already calculated the amount of time I still have to put in to meet all the exam eligibility requirements and it turned out slightly two more years is what I need to meet that, as well as passing the CAE exam, of course!

Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and rather annoying - but my robot heart finally starting to feel and long for what it needs.

EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now - but I just wanted to finally get it out of my brain for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in the big San Francisco City! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I can still move on some place else with my CAE. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!

Show Me How

2008-06-30T16:26:00.002-04:00