The biggest stressor in my life right now is dealing with the fact that, at this point, I’m still unable to relocate to California. Wondering when I’m able to pay off all my bills; wondering how I can do it all quick and easy (prognosis: not very likely); wondering how am I to deal with being away from my family and some close friends; wondering what California has in line to offer me.
I have to be honest, I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. For right now my gut dictates my brain to wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, then find a job out in the west coast and move. But, even still I’m not sure how things are going to turn out.
What keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have full support from my family and the hope that I will be able to find the so-called ’special someone’. For whatever reason, I had been having this feeling that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I get there. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed very frequently that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to get everything on this end settled and that I can’t move for any unexpected reason, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that person and consider him my partner in life.
I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. I’m hyper-aware of the efforts that it would take to make this happen, the consequences that comes with it, and most especially all the prior financial commitments that I have accumulated over the course of the last 5 years. I’m sure that I will get to meet my soulmate - but I started to realize though how much improvements there is to work on within myself before I can move on into another relationship. I suppose other more important things takes priority as oppose to my attention only channeled just into one area. I believe that opportunity will come one day but important things comes first.
I hope it is not happening the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more things under control, things would not be the way they are…
I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco - but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us would feel ‘at home’. On top of that, some place where more people are lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live. A place you can call Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.
I’ve got it bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially my love life, and the interest of moving on and living my life with all my best and hopefully share that with someone. Also to prove that I can be on my own outside my family surveillance and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will gain it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue moving me forward.
I’m usually determined to get what I want - but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. For God’s sake, I’m only 26 years old. However, before I hit the BIG 30 I want to become an executive, which I will in December 2010. I’ve already calculated the amount of time I still have to put in to meet all the exam eligibility requirements and it turned out slightly two more years is what I need to meet that, as well as passing the CAE exam, of course!
Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and rather annoying - but my robot heart finally starting to feel and long for what it needs.
EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now - but I just wanted to finally get it out of my brain for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in the big San Francisco City! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I can still move on some place else with my CAE. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!
I have to be honest, I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. For right now my gut dictates my brain to wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, then find a job out in the west coast and move. But, even still I’m not sure how things are going to turn out.
What keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have full support from my family and the hope that I will be able to find the so-called ’special someone’. For whatever reason, I had been having this feeling that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I get there. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed very frequently that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to get everything on this end settled and that I can’t move for any unexpected reason, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that person and consider him my partner in life.
I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. I’m hyper-aware of the efforts that it would take to make this happen, the consequences that comes with it, and most especially all the prior financial commitments that I have accumulated over the course of the last 5 years. I’m sure that I will get to meet my soulmate - but I started to realize though how much improvements there is to work on within myself before I can move on into another relationship. I suppose other more important things takes priority as oppose to my attention only channeled just into one area. I believe that opportunity will come one day but important things comes first.
I hope it is not happening the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more things under control, things would not be the way they are…
I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco - but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us would feel ‘at home’. On top of that, some place where more people are lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live. A place you can call Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.
I’ve got it bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially my love life, and the interest of moving on and living my life with all my best and hopefully share that with someone. Also to prove that I can be on my own outside my family surveillance and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will gain it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue moving me forward.
I’m usually determined to get what I want - but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. For God’s sake, I’m only 26 years old. However, before I hit the BIG 30 I want to become an executive, which I will in December 2010. I’ve already calculated the amount of time I still have to put in to meet all the exam eligibility requirements and it turned out slightly two more years is what I need to meet that, as well as passing the CAE exam, of course!
Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and rather annoying - but my robot heart finally starting to feel and long for what it needs.
EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now - but I just wanted to finally get it out of my brain for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in the big San Francisco City! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I can still move on some place else with my CAE. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!
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