Gluing Broken Pieces Together

In the next few months I feel it will be about time to end my account with WordPress as well as my other blog site at Blogspot. I have truly found both sites highly propitious in a number of ways during the past several months because of the many major family issues and some personal dilemmas that I’ve had to go through. Needless to say all of us go through the different milestones of life - but how we differ is how we find different ways to output ourselves, developing shields to breakthrough it.

It is shamefully sad - but this online blogging community I’ve involved myself in has become my second home. More so at times when I feel disconnected with myself. Logging in and endlessly write helped me pick many broken pieces of my self-esteem while fishing for comfort and try gluing ‘em together.

Intentions often times doesn’t always work in your favor; although you blatantly tell yourself that whatever the outcomes might be, it may just be what is precisely necessary for you. No ones believes your intentions but yourself.

Well, since the first quarter of this year, all along I thought medicating myself through writing numerous blogs and exposing them to family, friends, and in many cases to total strangers, would quite hold me rock solid throughout the many beautiful “perks” life has to offer. Majority of the time I cling with this site when hard times come crashing into my life. Mental calamities are the ones I can’t handle. And, when they appear culminating internally I default to blogging boundlessly at midnight (often times 2 or 3 am) - which I must confess felt quite gratifying in so many levels. It did feel like I was connecting with someone out there. But, I later realized that someone out there was me.

Frankly it did, however, shed some light into my emotions whenever I felt I needed to sit in the dark and lit a candle with hopes someone come and empty me and fill me in at the same time. Our emotions and our minds are the most powerful things in the world - where our eyes sees what it chooses to sees, our ears hear what we want to hear, and what our minds tell us what to believe and not to believe.

I picture myself every night feeling and thinking how I could chime out my thoughts and feelings I choose to keep in a particular day and I find sending them out through this cyber-space quite therapuetic. God only knows who reads it, makes a sense of it and relate to it, and simply don’t give a turd about it. The essence of it, however, is that I say what I feel and think and for sure someone out there feels the same way. For those of you out there on the same page as me - you are not alone.

For those who have given some attention to my blog site from time to time or have faithfully been reading my writings, thank you. I hope that those times you spent reading and listening to my thoughts have given you some comfort when you need one. The prognosis is that I probably don’t know you - but perhaps by connecting with me through this gave you a sense of who I am.

I feel that I’ve out grown this channel of my way to gather myself together. It’s time to move on. I think I’m capable of facing myself now with some confidence, with which I desperately need after developing a personal war that I can never win! I’ve seen myself fall on one or more occasions where I feel I no longer crave for invisible connections. Right here, right now is when this has to end and where it begins.

By any means possible, this is NOT a goodbye note. I just feel I’m brushing off the old self and breathing in a new me in many ways. Thanks, WordPress, for being reliable (Ha!) every step of the way when I needed you the most.

Thanks to all my readers — friends and strangers! New chapters will come along soon.