Time For A New Companion

For those of you who knows I live with a roommate who has two adorable beagles. I knew from the beginning that I'd be living with them and that I had no problem with it. I actually grew up back in the Philippines with the "normal" pets in the house. But, since when I came to U.S. I didn't have the opportunity to have one on my own because of my previous living situation and at the time had no room for pet maintenance, money-wise.

I actually miss having a pet. Every time I think of one I remember my dog I left in the Philippines before I came to U.S. What broke my heart and it still does every time he comes across my mind is that he knew I was leaving him forever and that he will never ever see me again. Dogs have some sense of their surroundings and can predict stuff happening around them. The morning I left my town my dog - his name was Tsino - knew he won't get to see me again and didn't quit jumping on me all morning and when I got on the bus he came running after it and seeing him being left behind was incredibly heart-exploding and it still hits me. I remember those puppy eyes he gave me as the bus drove away. They said "Don't leave me...please!". Up until now I still feel guilty of having left him alone.

That's how crazy I am with dogs and although they are only dogs, they live in this planet and deserves care and attention. We protect them and they protect us. They help people in so many ways. They entertain us, too. They lift every single desperate soul up and what's amazing is that it is all true.

Daisy Mae and Ashly - the two biegels in the house - are as wonderful as dogs can ever be. One is playful and one is more a hermit. They balance each other out. It reminds me people living with one another. People survive by balancing each other out. They do and having dogs around makes life even more fun, in a way that we relate to other living things on the planet other than human beings.

Lately I've been thinking about adopting a miniature schnauzer. Not sure why I like that breed, but I think they are wonderful and very beautiful dogs. I found a picture online and I want my soon companion to look like this:

I'm still looking around and hopefully I'll find the right one that needs a home and a loving owner. I can't wait to own one. Though the amount of time and money it'll take would be reasonable but having the companion to pass time with, have fun with, walk with, jog with would be priceless! Truly be. Hmm...any suggestion on what I should name the dog with? If you have one, feel free to let me know. Thanks!

Off To Somewhat A Paradise

Remember when I said I was going to Miami this summer? Well, my plan now is sort of tweaked a little bit. William and Ernesto, my two good 'ole friends - both Salvadorenos - and I are driving down to good 'ole Orlando on August 7th and will be back on probably August 10th or 12th. On the day we leave is William's birthday. (Didn't realize it until Ernesto told me today!) Although we'll be spending the day driving on William's birthday, but I think it's going to be fun anyway regardless.

Orlando is our first destination but we'll be planning to hit other cities like Tampa, Ft. Lauderdale, and of course Miami! Our itinerary is somewhat undecided yet but we plan to go to these places while we are down there. I think we all know that there will be a lot of driving, drinking, eating, and beach time involved during this whole time. That's what we do when we get together. We are such a drunk ass bitches, aren't we?

I forewarned my friends that I might not be able to take off those days because of the crunch I've got going on at work but fortunately my boss was okay with it. She just asked me to get things under control before I leave and I said No problem! I initially thought she'd be not okay with it considering that it's only over two weeks of notice of this upcoming vacation. Normally with the amount of work we have on our plates, vacation notices requires at least three weeks or a month advance notice. Well, I'm fortunate that I got to take off those days.

Well, in the coming week or two I'll be planning to shop for you know what; not that I don't have anything to wear, but I'm just tired of what I already got. I wanna go shopping for (Armani Exchange?) stuff before the trip. Last year I went to San Diego and Los Angeles for summer and this year Orlando/Ft. Lauderdale/Miami will be just as fabulous! I'll be posting some pictures when we get back! Adios for now!

The Only Woman In My Life

The one and only person I would die for in this world is the only woman in my life, my Mom. I am writing this entry to somewhat express my love to my mother. I know this isn’t going to showcase everything but it’s my way to shout out loud to the world that I owe everything, absolutely every single thing.

Our destiny for being together was not quite the standard. My definition of standard is that children are raised by their parents, but for many of us we grew up and were raised by our family relatives. My siblings and I didn’t have the opportunity to go through our childhood with our parents. And, therefore, there was no opportunity for us to build a parent-child relationship all the way through those years.

Fortunately in 2001, our lives came to an intersection - thanks to Immigration and Naturalization Service - after so many years; I’d say close to 10 years. I must say it was awkward position to be in, knowing that the person I knew in my head that I had a “Mother” and that she was in abroad, was walking towards us and gave us very warmth hugs and kisses and stood there and stared at us. I sure didn’t know how to react and asked myself “So, this is my Mom?”. Yes, that was her!

Over the years we’ve learned things about one another - through “thick and thin” - and we built our relationship which is getting stronger and unbreakable year after year. However, we realize we are human and human makes misjudgments. But, we both believe we just love one another. It takes one to know and love someone.

Out of the blue I’d text her and say “I love you, Mom!” and saying those words to her makes my day. They really do. I want to take every opportunity I can get to make her realize she’s worth more than anything I have, or anything I’ve ever had, or whatever I will have in the future. She is totally beyond priceless.

So for those folks out there you only get one mother in your lifetime. Make her feel you owe your life to her. Because if you stop and think about it, WE all do. Say I love you, Mom every now and then. It’s worth it. She definitely deserves those words. So pick up your phone right now and call/text your Mom and say but mean those words. I guarantee it - you’ll make her day.

Trapped In My Own World

Right now I can’t imagine how to describe to the best as I can how my life is moving and where it is headed to. There are quite a number of things I wish I had more control over where I can plan changes and implement them. Perhaps a lot of people often deny themselves that they are not control freak - but I must say I am somewhat…not in a ridiculous level, though.

I think over-analyzing things is one of my hardcore problems, in which I find myself shamefully fail every time I try to do something about it. One big factor is the unbearable, harsh childhood I have had when I was growing up by which made some incredible impact to what and how I am today. I had become an individual who does not appreciate errors, misjudgments, the “falling through cracks”, disrespects, disloyalty, and so forth. If any of these gets tested, it motivates the not-so-good shade of myself to react unpleasantly. Others say, as a typical Taurus characteristic, that it is completely normal. In many cases I certainly doubt association of character to philosophical icons/beliefs. Not sure how precise zodiac signs are with representing one’s acts - but I strongly believe people’s behaviors gets provoked because of other contributing factors.

Every day I try to be better and learn to let go of things I can’t control anymore, and things I shouldn’t have control over to begin with, and learn to loosen up. It’s like addiction to smoking. Undergoing process to quit takes a step, or two, or three, or whatever before you can actually see/experience some difference. It’s a process that I’m going through slowly and hopefully successful. I just feel awkward sometimes when I feel domineering to some people, but not quite atrocious, though. Not good. I mean it’s really bad. Don’t like it at all!

There’s nothing worst than feeling trapped in your own world where you were suppose to find your way out - but to no avail. It’s not easy. I think over time I’ll be able to find an outlet. I just have to embrace new things, appreciate the things I currently have, and perhaps have different, only positive outlook on them. Not the usual “black is black, white is white”. I hope by learning to accept my boundaries and cope up with the changes around me, whether I have control over them or not, and learning how far it should go should make me feel lighter. I really hope so.

Change Outrule Just About Everything

Spending quality time with your family pretty much over-rule anything I could think of that I enjoy the most. This past weekend I spent my time with my Mom doing just random stuff here and there throughout the whole weekend. Despite the merciless humidity we motivated ourselves to do something outside the house. Well, we did play some Wii games for a little while, but we figured we have enough time to do that. So we decided to go from one place to the other during the last two days. I must say I really enjoyed being with her. Not just because she’s my Mom - but she makes sure that I know I can have fun with her as a friend - a very close friend! You know we talked just about everything and I feel comforted every time I open up with her. It never fails. I hope it will continue and that every day makes closer than we had ever been.

Now, let me say this first: I went to TOWN last Saturday to celebrate my friend’s going-away party. He’s going to Jamaica for two weeks (Vacation? Yea, I know. I’m jealous!) and because he is a good friend of mine, I couldn’t say No. So I met him there around 11:30 and there I also came across with another friend of mine whom I have not seen in over a month. I’m really surprised TOWN wasn’t crowded at the time I got there - but it got busier later on that night. I’m sure people are experiencing this whole ridiculous price of gas and it’s impacting how people spend their dollars. A large number people, I’m sure, prefer to hit the movies as oppose to going clubbing. Quite frankly I’ve been doing that, not just because the gas prices, but the whole scene of clubbing, which I’ve been seeing over the course of many years, has gone old. Haven’t been in it though for over two months or pressing three months is quite a good separation from the usual to something unusual. However, breaking that long clubbing pause after a certain point makes it more fun and makes you feel a first-timer. I did enjoy being there this past weekend and not to mention had a minimal alcohol. Not that it is advisable to drink and drive - but I wasn’t like my normal style. It was good for a change. Less alcohol means less money to be spent. But, for those who may have low-tolerance I suggest don’t go over your limit. Be safe.

One long night at TOWN sparked a few potential connections - but I somehow reserved myself. I sort of didn’t appreciate myself the next day. I told myself shake it off and I’m sure I’d see him over there again. Hope he’ll make the first move again. (Yea, I know…I suck at that!). I’ll keep this site updated with that.

Have a great work-week everyone!

Respecting Our Annual Ritual

So this past 4th of July weekend was awesome! Started off with being off on Thursday all the way through today, my dad’s birthday celebration on Friday, fireworks display on Friday night, yet another cook-out yesterday afternoon and a movie, and today doing some home stuff (laundry, etc) and probably later on today dinner with Mom and gym afterwards. Quite busy schedule I’ve got going on - but it’s awesome. It’s something that keeps me running around and not realize how quick time goes by rather than doing nothing. I like to keep my weekend occupied for something, anything. I like being pro-active with any kind of stuff, which I seem to enjoy, either with by myself, or with my roommate, or friends. It’s kind of cool to have that kind of lifestyle. Diversity, people…diversity!

After the overwhelming awesomeness of the fireworks display in Manassas (apparently the largest one in the state of Virginia), despite the not-so-bad rain, we’re still going to continue planning our next year’s ritual. It’s great to know that you can do other stuff with your co-workers other than being co-workers. Our group - my boss, my roommate, another co-worker, and myself - seem to click very well and so we often plan to do something, anything whenever we get a chance. I like knowing that we’re more than just co-workers. They are awesome, great to have fun with, and they are (we are I should say) just the craziest group ever in and outside of the office. Anyway, so next year we plan to hit DC, although we’ve already anticipated the amount of efforts that will take just to go watch the fireworks. I think we’re gonna try to get in to watch the other festivities they will have going on. It’ll be awesome. We call it family trip because we’re family. Truly are.

Amanda, my co-worker, and I made an agreement that we would go back to the gym and work out. She and I go to the same gym (Woot woot, Lifetime Fitness!) - but we haven’t gone in a while. Both she and I had been crazy with our personal lives that we didn’t have time for it. Not that we’re making excuse of going, but it’s just been crazy with work. I suggested yesterday that after all this holiday we will try to work out again and get back on our diet stuff. In fact, we’re gonna go tomorrow, so that is going to be exciting! We’re back to square one!

So this week is going to be a full week - 5 days of work - and going back to work after a 4-day weekend is just lame. Seriously sucks. Oh, well. We gotta make some money, right? I’m sure this week will go by so fast (I hope!). I’ve already plan to do stuff this coming weekend so I’m looking forward to that.

Take care, guys and I shall touch base with you again at some point this week.

d-Jae

The Imaginary Wall

I feel like I've hit the wall. Just like the movie "Clueless" back in 1995, most specifically "Cher" who was played by Alicia Silverstone where she was trying - all in her best - to survive the ups and downs of her adolescent life. Her external demeanor sort of buried her true self--charming, smart, and a truly phenomenal woman. The world she lived in, realistically up until now, was full of contributing factors to her great 'cluelessness' to what's really out there and that the world her eyes chooses to see has more than what it's worth.

A combination of different things is making me crave for changes. The big inspiration is having visited San Francisco over a month ago and I, since then, hope for rather immediate life transformation. During this crazy thought I had considered re-focusing some of my attention to other things such as spending more quality time with my Mom, re-connecting to my old habits, exploring other activities that doesn't involve friends, and devoting some 'me' time whenever I get a chance - or should I say whenever I get away from my during-the-week prison? It feels great though. I don't know - but it does. However, the 'doing it alone' has a negative connotations to most people. Perhaps that idea is actualized, perceived or otherwise, a self-beneficial interest of solitaire, where space is essential between you and the rest of the world.

I think part of the cons of solitaire confinement fascination is that you dodge every single human being and their respective possibly shady interests and agendas go bouncing off the wall. As I live my life each day, year after year, I'm wanting different things or actually valuing different things. Analogically, much like dating that every single failed candidate, you clearly see what you want and what you don't want. Prospects give you all levels of perspective satisfaction, and in return, we tend to search for whomever that person is who would otherwise 'go with the flow' with your own conclusion or reasoning and discard anyone that doesn't suit your perspective.

I'm SO ready to take my vacation. I could use a long, stress-free, not humid environment, where not a single conference call would even have the ability coming through my phone circuit for it to ring. Definitely a place where absolutely no reception, other than 911 calls, for any type of calls to get through. I need to invest more of the me time - quality me time - so that I can get to know myself again.

Good thing the weather has been calming down a bit. I would have been gaining a few pound here and there, otherwise. Quite honestly, I have gained my weight back. That, too, is on the list of things to do! I'm too much a movie slut, if you will, that I would give up a somewhat moderate day for a good 'ole Marvel movie with cheddar cheese popcorn.

So, today's horoscope is on the spot, yet again. I'm taking it to mean that I have to be extra careful when making decisions and that there's a limit to what you can do at a given time, at a given place, and at a given situation, and what changes I prefer to make and how I implement those changes:

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): The new moon focuses on emotions and feelings, and generates high levels of wisdom and sensitivity. You'll be in a strong position to calm and soothe a minor quandary, and you'll be able to keep all parties happy without having to take sides. Don't allow this issue to absorb all of your time today, though!

The Pursuit of a New Home

The biggest stressor in my life right now is dealing with the fact that, at this point, I’m still unable to relocate to California. Wondering when I’m able to pay off all my bills; wondering how I can do it all quick and easy (prognosis: not very likely); wondering how am I to deal with being away from my family and some close friends; wondering what California has in line to offer me.

I have to be honest, I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. For right now my gut dictates my brain to wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, then find a job out in the west coast and move. But, even still I’m not sure how things are going to turn out.

What keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have full support from my family and the hope that I will be able to find the so-called ’special someone’. For whatever reason, I had been having this feeling that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I get there. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed very frequently that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to get everything on this end settled and that I can’t move for any unexpected reason, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that person and consider him my partner in life.

I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. I’m hyper-aware of the efforts that it would take to make this happen, the consequences that comes with it, and most especially all the prior financial commitments that I have accumulated over the course of the last 5 years. I’m sure that I will get to meet my soulmate - but I started to realize though how much improvements there is to work on within myself before I can move on into another relationship. I suppose other more important things takes priority as oppose to my attention only channeled just into one area. I believe that opportunity will come one day but important things comes first.

I hope it is not happening the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more things under control, things would not be the way they are…

I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco - but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us would feel ‘at home’. On top of that, some place where more people are lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live. A place you can call Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.

I’ve got it bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially my love life, and the interest of moving on and living my life with all my best and hopefully share that with someone. Also to prove that I can be on my own outside my family surveillance and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will gain it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue moving me forward.

I’m usually determined to get what I want - but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. For God’s sake, I’m only 26 years old. However, before I hit the BIG 30 I want to become an executive, which I will in December 2010. I’ve already calculated the amount of time I still have to put in to meet all the exam eligibility requirements and it turned out slightly two more years is what I need to meet that, as well as passing the CAE exam, of course!

Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and rather annoying - but my robot heart finally starting to feel and long for what it needs.

EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now - but I just wanted to finally get it out of my brain for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in the big San Francisco City! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I can still move on some place else with my CAE. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!